


Till The End Of The Line

by NecromaniacKat



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Marvel Universe, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Pre-The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV) Trailers, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, sam wilson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 41,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28558995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NecromaniacKat/pseuds/NecromaniacKat
Summary: Life after the final snap has been different. But some things never change. Bucky Barnes has found a life he’s longed for. What will he do when the hero life comes knocking on his door? Save with world with a toddler on his hip? What will Elena do when her past comes back to haunt her? All the pair wants to do is settle down in their little apartment in Brooklyn and raise their daughter. But old habits die hard.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

“Mama,” Talia chirped as she came into the bedroom. I sat on the bed folding clean laundry. I looked up from what I was doing to see her standing in the doorway of the bedroom with her hands behind her back and a playful smirk on her face. I cocked an eyebrow at her, knowing she was up to something.

“Yes sweetie?” I replied in a curious way. Talia skipped up to me, her hands still behind her back. 

“I have a present for you,” She told me through a toothy smile. There are a few things you don’t want to hear from a four year old, and this is one of those things. I was curious and worried about the “present” she wanted to give me. 

“Close your eyes,” She giggled. Reluctantly, I closed my eyes. “–Now hold out your hands.” Again, I did as she asked. I held out my hands in front of me, waiting in anticipation for the present she wanted to give me. Then I felt something settle in the palms of my hands. It felt like a bundle of strings. It was soft, thin and long. 

“Okay, open your eyes!” She cheered happily. I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the beaming smile on Talia’s face as she waited for my reaction. I looked down at my hands and shock took hold of me. In my hands was a clump of long pieces of dark brown hair. I dropped the clump of hair and immediately began to examine Talia’s head to see where she cut the hair from. 

“Did you cut your hair?!” I exclaimed, frantically scavenging through her jungle of curly dark brown locks to see where she cut her hair and how bad the damage was. Moreover, I was worried she got a hold of the scissors and could potentially hurt herself with them. Talia giggled and shook her head. 

“No,” She drew out with another giggle. I put my hands on her shoulders and turned her to face me. 

“Show me where you got the hair from,” I told her. Talia turned on her heel and marched out of the bedroom. I got up from the bed and followed behind her as she led the way down the narrow hallway. Talia took me to the bathroom door and opened it to reveal where she got the hair from. My jaw almost hit the floor as I saw it. Bucky stood in the middle of the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He cut off clumps of his long dark brown locks with a pair of kitchen scissors. His face read determination but there were tears in his eyes. 

“Bucky,” I breathed. Bucky stopped cutting his hair and looked at me, wiping away the tears in his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“Can you help me?” He asked in a soft voice.  I felt my heart skip a beat as he held out the scissors to me. I took them from him and smiled softly. 

“Let’s go the kitchen to do this,” I said then headed off to the kitchen. Talia and Bucky trailed behind me. I knew what this was for him. It’s only been a few weeks since he came back and so far, he’s been living the life he should’ve lived back in the 40’s. Cutting his long hair symbolized his freedom. Freedom to choose how he lives his life. Freedom from the past. Freedom to heal from everything. This meant a lot to him.


	2. Altered By The Beginning

In every end, there is a beginning. No truer words have been spoken. I thought the moment Bucky met Talia was the end of our story. But it was merely the end of a chapter. I don’t know what I was expecting. But I wasn’t expecting this. 

“Alright Talia, how many fingers is Sam holding up?” Bruce asked from across the metal table between them. Talia sat on the other side of the table, hooked up to all sorts of machines. She wore a cap that monitored her brain activity as well as a few sticky pads on her temples and her forehead. 

I sucked my teeth as Talia smirked at Bruce as if she were telling him to give her a harder task. Somehow, Bucky managed to coax me into having Talia furthered tested. His explanation, he wanted to know exactly what she was capable of. He’s unsure of how to raise her if we don’t know anything about how her brain works. We’ve already established that she has brainwaves that are not yet seen on a normal person, so Bruce wanted to further explore these brainwaves. I’m also being tested along with the other girls to see if we have those brainwaves. 

“Seven,” Talia replied quickly. She didn’t even hesitate to try and find Sam. She already knew where he was and how many fingers he was holding up. 

“Holy cow.” I heard Bucky whisper in astonishment. Buck has been constantly amazed by Talia. He’s been back for a few weeks now and he’s been trying to adjust to all these new changes. Not only did he get snapped into the soul stone for five years and then brought back, but when he came back the girl, he claims he loves is older, he now has a daughter, and he loses his best friend. How he wasn’t sent reeling is beyond me. I was reeling from it all. But I also lost the most that day. I lost my mother figure, my father figure, and my older brother. I had to go back to Steve’s apartment and pack up all his stuff. I asked him if he wanted it back, but he said that we should donate it all. Bucky asked if we could keep a few of Steve’s things. I didn’t object. Besides the things Bucky asked to keep, we only kept the photo albums. 

“Sam,” Bruce said over the walkie talkie. “–How many fingers are you holding up?” He asked Sam curiously. 

“Seven.” Sam’s voice came over the walkie talkie. Bucky watched his daughter wide eyed. I could mentally see Bruce smile at Talia. 

“Good job Talia, have a cookie,” Bruce praised, sliding the plate of Oreos toward Talia. She smiled widely and took one, twisted it a part and licked the cream middle happily. I scoffed at the very Pavlov testing Bruce was conducting. Every time Talia completed a task correctly, she got a cookie. I’m afraid that if every time she uses her abilities from now on, she thinks she’ll get a cookie or treat. I know Bruce just wanted to make her comfortable with all this, but I’m still concerned she’s going to think she’ll get a reward every time she uses her gift. 

“She’s something else, isn’t she?” I mindlessly asked. Bucky hummed in response. I pried my gaze away from Talia and looked over at Buck. His blue eyes were trained on the little girl in the next room. I could see the gears in his mind turning. He wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. 

“Just spit it out, Buck,” I said then looked back at Talia. I heard Bucky swallow hard and let out a shaky breath. 

“Is she.... –Does she... –Does she have any of, y’know, the serum in her?” He questioned in a mousey voice. All the blood in my body ran cold. My eyes widened as I thought about it more. Talia’s never displayed any of the regular symptoms of the serum. I mean, nothing that’s caused any alarms to go off. She’s the fastest kid at the park but she’s not overly fast. She’s amazingly durable but what kid isn’t? And she can go for hours and hours without tiring, but again, that’s normal for kids her age. I’ve never seen her do anything that’d make me think she had the super soldier serum in her. 

“I don’t know,” I mumbled. 

“Do you think we should test her for that?” Buck asked in a slightly fatherlier tone. I crossed my arms over my chest. On one hand, it’d be good to know exactly what she’s capable of. But on the other hand, I don’t want her to think she’s a freak of nature. I just want her to be a normal little girl. But Natalia isn’t a normal little girl. 

“How would we even test her for that?” I blurted out without much thought. Bucky didn’t say anything. We both went back to watching our daughter. 

Talia stopped munching on the cookie and looked up, staring dead ahead, unblinking. She stared right through Bruce and the two-way mirror. Bucky and I were in a dark room overlooking the testing. And it was like Talia was staring right at us. 

She frowned and looked down at the tabletop. I could see tears begin to form in her eyes. She sniffled and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“I miss unca Steve too,” She murmured softly. I turned to look at Bucky. He stared at Talia with a frown. My eyebrows furrowed, realizing Bucky was thinking about Steve again. Over the past few weeks Bucky’s maintained a poker face but I can tell he’s been struggling with adjusting to everything. Especially not having Steve around anymore. 

“Okay, I think that’s enough for today,” Bruce said. I watched as Bucky turned on his heel and left the room. I followed in suit but instead of turning towards the room Talia was in, he went the opposite way. I frowned as I watched him walk away. I wanted so badly to go after him, but I had to help untangle Talia. She happily ate her collected cookies while I unhooked the wires from the cap and the sticky pads on her head. 

“Where did daddy go?” Talia asked as I took the cap off her head, setting it down on the table. She pulled the sticky pads off her forehead and clumped them together. 

“He had to make a phone call,” I told her dishonestly. 

“Is he sad again?” She questioned curiously. I stopped what I was doing and looked down at the dark-haired little girl. 

“What makes you think he’s sad again?” It was my turn to ask the questions. Talia hummed to herself, looking at the small collection of Oreos in her hands. 

“He always gets sad when he thinks of unca Steve,” She replied in a disheartened tone. I squatted down beside her and looked at the teary eyed four-year-old girl. She tried wiping away the tears before I could see them. I frowned at her, placing a hand on her knee. 

“We all miss Uncle Steve,” I began in a soft voice. “–But you need to stay out of your daddy’s head,” 

“–Because of his bad thoughts?” Talia pipped up, looking at me. Her curly dark hair shrouded her face. My stomach twisted at the idea that Talia’s seen or heard some of Bucky’s bad memories. I didn’t know what to say to her beyond telling her to stay out of her father’s head. 

“Let’s go find daddy and Sam, see if they’re hungry,” I said, changing the topic swiftly. Talia nodded and hopped off the chair. We walked out of the room, hand in hand. 

We found Bucky and Sam having a small talk on the balcony on the residency floor of the Stark Tower. Pepper was gracious enough to let Bruce run the observations and tests here since the Upstate compound no longer exists. Being back here brought back a lot of memories for me. I never thought I’d be here with my daughter by my side. I never thought Bucky would be here especially after… what happened.

“He seems to be adjusting pretty good,” Sam said as he came up to the island. I looked up at him from preparing dinner. My gaze flickered over to the two people who hold my heart. Bucky was down on the floor on all fours with Talia saddled on his back. She giggled as her father would neigh and do laps around the living area. I couldn’t help but smile at them.

“Yeah, he’s a natural,” I retorted and went back to tossing the salad.

“How are _you_ adjusting?” Sam asked in a concerned way. Sam used to work with people who’ve been to war. So, I knew his concern was coming from a place of genuineness. His question caught me off guard. No one in the last few weeks has asked me how I was doing, they all assumed I was doing fine since I did what I set out to do. But at what cost?

“I’m fine,” I mindlessly spat out. It was a reflex at this point. Pretend I’m okay and maybe one day I will be okay.

“Elena,”

“–Sam,” I cut him off hastily. My gaze snapped up to meet his. Sam looked a bit taken aback. I took a deep breath and set the tongs down on the counter beside the bowl of vegetables. I figured there was no use arguing with Sam over the obvious.

“I lost most of my family a few weeks ago, how well do you think I’m doing? I’m taking it day by day,” I explained honestly. Sam scowled at me but before he could say anything, something in the air shifted. My eyes went from Sam’s frown to Talia. She was no longer sitting on Bucky’s back, but she was standing in the middle of the living room. She stood still, with her arms by her sides and she stared dead ahead. Her face was blank and there was no life in her usually vibrant blue eyes. Her complexion paled.

Bucky stopped what he was doing and looked over at Talia. His expression dropped. I guess Sam got the same feeling and he looked back at the little girl.

“Talia?” Bucky softly said, putting a hand on her back. He urged her to respond to him. But she didn’t. She stayed still and stared off into space. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

“Hail Hydra,” Talia whispered before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell back. Luckily, Bucky caught her before she could hit the ground. Sam and I rushed to her side as Bucky laid the small girl down on the couch. She wasn’t having a seizure, but her eyes were in the back of her head. She wasn’t jerking around or anything. What was happening?

Bucky and I looked at each other with fear and worry on our faces. We couldn’t believe she just said what she said. Hail Hydra.


	3. The Asset, Subject Zero and Natalia

_Catalyst. Alpha. Temptation. Hyde. Endangered. Revenge. Indigo. Neverland._

_My eyes snapped open. The sound of an unfamiliar man’s voice brought me back to reality. I didn’t recognize it at all. I didn’t even remember what he had said. I couldn’t remember anything. All I knew was I was standing in a thick treeline and bushes. The night that surrounded me. I didn’t know where I was or how I got here. The last thing I remembered was… I don’t know. What do I know? My name. My name is Zero. And I am on a mission. I was sent to get Project Lumini._

_I stood silently in the darkness behind a small building made of wood, a cottage. Smoke rose from a brick chimney on the roof. An icy gust of wind blew by, kissing the exposed skin on my hands and face. I took note of my clothing; a fitted black leather jacket with a holster strapped across my chest, baggy black pants with lots of pockets and holsters on my thigh and hip, and a pair of boots that were tightly laced up to my mid calf. There was a pressure at the back of my head, where my hair was tied back in a tight braid._

_“Zero, retrieve the information and get out, leave no witnesses,” Arlo’s voice murmured in my ear. I clenched my fist inside the leather fingerless gloves. My weight shifted as I went to step. The heavy snow crunched under my feet. My gaze narrowed at the small cottage in front of me, knowing my mission was in there somewhere. My head thumped excruciatingly with each step I took towards it. I unholstered the gun on my hip as I stalked up the front steps to the large wooden door. Inside, I could hear laughter and people talking. Witnesses._

_In a swift motion I launched my foot forward, landing flat against the door until it swung open. The laughter turned into screams of surprise. The warmth of the building touched my icy cold skin, heating my cheeks up into a fiery sensation. Three women huddled together on the couch in front of a fire. They suddenly snapped around from their prior positions. Their eyes wide as they stared at me. Silently, I raised the gun in my hand, aiming towards them. Before I could pull the trigger and leave no witnesses, I heard something. I tore my observation away from them when a man’s voice came from somewhere in the house, it was riddled with amusement as if the screams were from joy rather than fear. His voice was the same one I had just heard. An older man appeared in the mouth of the living room with a bottle in his hand. His icy blue eyes landed on me, widening as he did so. He looked at me in such a way that said he knew me._

_“Z-Z-Zero?” It came out as a shaky breath. Him knowing my name made my finger twitch, causing the gun to fire. I didn’t need to look to know I had hit one of the women sitting on the couch. The sound of a body hitting the floor let me know my shot was fatal. The two remaining women screamed again. A moment later another man appeared by the first._

_“What the hell is going on in here?!” He shouted his face was laced with concern, but it soon vanished when I swiftly moved my arm and fired the gun. Blood splattered all over the wall behind him when the bullet entered the space above his eye, leaving the first man coated in it as well. He silently stood there, gripping the bottle in his hand._

_I moved my arm back to its previous place before pulling the trigger again. Another body hit the floor with a heavy thump and the remaining woman let out a shaky whimper. My eyes were locked with the man who knew my name. Never leaving him. And his never leaving me. Until I moved my arm again to aim at the last woman on the couch, sobbing loudly. This made him jump forward, dropping the bottle he had previously been holding. It shattered against the floor, sending shards of glass in every direction._

_“No! Zero, wai...” Before he could finish, I pulled the trigger once again. The crying had stopped when the body hit the floor with the others. The man threw himself towards the new body laying on the ground in a pool of blood. I lowered my weapon and watched closely as he lifted her into his lap and hugged her tightly, crying loudly. The three women and the man had bullet holes in their skulls. I observed in misperception as he wept and held her to his chest._

_“Zero, retrieve the information and get out, leave no witnesses.” The orders reverberated through my empty mind. Tears stained his pale face when he looked up at me. I silently raised my weapon again, aiming it at the man who knew my name. He stared at me as if he was both ready to die but also ready to fight. I wasn’t going to give him the choice. I had my orders. And my orders were to leave no witnesses._

_“_ **_Leave him_ ** _!” My handler’s voice snapped at me over the earpiece I was wearing. Immediately, my finger left the trigger, but I kept my gun pointed at him. My eyes were locked on the quivering man on the floor in front of me. The only obstacle in the way was the easily moveable couch. The man trembled as he rose to his feet, hands held out where I could see him. He looked at me the same way he did a few moments ago, like he knew me. How did this man know me? I’ve never met him before. Who was this man? My already throbbing mind rocked when something poked through the thick fog that filled it._

_**“Zero, you need to be a good girl for these people. Do what they say when they say it,”** _

_**“When will I be home?”** _

_**“The compound is no longer your home, Zero. Wherever these men take you is your new home. You’re being released into the world to do very important work,”** _

_**“Hurting bad people?”** _

_**“Very important work, Zero. Very important indeed,”** _

_The voices. They came from somewhere beyond here and now. I recognized one voice as the man’s, the man in front of me. I knew I knew his voice but from where? Before here? Was there a before here? Was there a before the here and now? But the other voice, I didn’t recognize it. It sounded like a child’s voice. Mine? No, I’m not a child. Am I? I can’t be, I’m… What am I?_

_“Z-Zero don’t shoot. It’s me, Dr. Cummings. Remember?” He uttered weakly. My eyes narrowed at him, furrowing my brow confusedly._

_“She doesn’t remember you, Doctor.” Mr. Pierce’s voice rattled from behind me. From my peripheral I could see Arlo standing at my side with Mr. Pierce and a few other men in tactical uniforms. The man, Dr. Cummings, gaped at the man standing at my side with a look of sheer horror._

_“Do you Zero?” Mr. Pierce turned to me. With my gun still raised and ready to fire, I remained silent._

_“Speak!” Arlo shouted; his voice was like a zap of electricity against my ears. But I didn’t react, not even blinking._

_“No.” I soundlessly answered. The consternation on Dr. Cummings’ face augmented as his pale blue eyes bounced between me and Mr. Pierce. His thick grey eyebrows fell together. Finally, his eyes landed on Mr. Pierce and a look of anger and sadness distorted his face._

_“What have you done to her?” He asked shakily, his hands still shakily held in the air. Mr. Pierce chuckled and stepped around the couch to meet Dr. Cummings, slinging his arm over the Doctor’s shoulders._

_“We… Well, we improved her,” Mr. Pierce chuckled joyfully. “–See, we improved her so much she doesn’t question the orders she’s been given. No matter how unpleasant they are. But, luckily for you Doc, we do it humanely. Well, for her at least. When she’s done a mission, we wipe her memory, so she doesn’t have to suffer with the knowing,” Mr. Pierce said with a smile. Dr. Cummings looked me up and down, his eyes becoming glassy and his already pale face whitened even more. My attention was drug away when I heard a floorboard creak in one of the rooms. This caught the attention of everyone else as well. I kept a steady stare on Dr. Cummings, who looked absolutely terrified._

_“Zero,” Arlo snarled my name. I turned my head to look up at him. “–Go see what that was. Take care of whatever it is,” He ordered strictly. I shared a cold glance with Dr. Cummings before turning on my heel to head down the dark hallway. My weapon lowered but my finger on near the trigger in case of ambush._

_“No! No! Please, don’t hurt them!” Dr. Cummings beseeched at the top of his lungs. Those weren’t my orders. And he wasn’t my handler. I mustn’t listen to him. Quietly, I crept down the dark hallway to the back of the cottage where there were two doors. One in front of me, open ajar and the other to my left, completely shut._

_‘Eenie, meenie, minie, moe.’ I thought immaturely, deciding which room to check first. Another floorboard creaked in the room with the door open, catching my undivided attention. Using the barrel of the gun I pushed the wooden door open further. Revealing a dark room. It was a strange little room with shelves of glass and fabric dolls, and plastic recreations of houses and cars, and people laying all around the floor. Three unkempt beds that were empty. Three beds that were once occupied, one door, and a closed window. Whoever was in here, is still here._

_“Come out, come out,” I sang softly, stepping further into the dark room. “–This isn’t going to hurt,” I reassured in a calm voice. My sneer was followed by a snivel coming from the closet. Slowly, I made my way to the closet and opened the door. Huddled together inside were two small people. Children. And one older one. Big child? They clung onto each other for dear life. They both looked like Dr. Cummings. The two young girls had long dark hair that was messy with sleep. Their eyes were rimmed red, beyond that they were blue. Like Dr. Cummings’. The older one looked like… Me. She looked like me. In fact, they all did. But I had my orders. I have my orders. If I don’t follow them, I don’t remember what happens, but I know it’s nothing good._

_I sucked in a cold breath, raising my gun to point the barrel of it at them. The two younger girls sobbed while the older one merely stared at me._

_“Leave no witnesses,” I told myself. I pulled the trigger, with the bullets came screams from all directions._

_I holstered my weapon once again as I walked out of the bedroom. I don’t know what was happening to me. There was a feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I just did something wrong. Like I did something bad. I didn’t understand these feelings. I was given my orders; Arlo knows best for me. He wouldn’t have me do something bad. Would he?_

_I stepped back into the main room where Dr. Cummings was now sitting in a chair in the middle of the room. Mr. Pierce sat on the sofa in front of Dr. Cummings. They stopped talking to each other when Dr. Cummings’ eyes landed on me once again. Tears were flowing down his face when he realized I had followed my orders._

_“Zero,” He whimpered unevenly. “–My poor girl. My poor Zero. What have they done to you?” I narrowed my eyes at him as I tried to figure out what he was talking about. He seems to know who I am, like he’s known me for a long time. But I’ve only met him tonight. Maybe I did know him before. I can’t remember much so it’s entirely possible that we’ve met before._

_“Dr. Cummings, we need the formula for Project Lumini,” Mr. Pierce told Dr. Cummings, leaning forward. Dr. Cummings gave Mr. Pierce the side eye and shook his head._

_“Why?” Even to me, that seemed like a silly question. I had no idea what they were talking about or why Mr. Pierce wants this formula, but that question seemed redundant._

_“Why do you think, Dr. Cummings?” Mr. Pierce taunted. Dr. Cummings’ face paled as he turned to face Mr. Pierce. He swallowed down hard._

_“You want more like Zero,” He whispered._

_“You’re a smart man,” Mr. Pierce commented, sitting upright again. “–We want more like your precious Subject Zero. Now don’t get me wrong, we absolutely love Zero and what she can do. But we want an army of her.”_

_“That’s impossible,” Dr. Cummings spat. “–The formula I use affects each Subject differently.” This statement seemed to have angered Mr. Pierce. He stood up from the sofa and walked towards me._

_“Well then, you’re utterly useless to us,” He said sternly. “–Zero,” He added, looking down at me. I took that as my que to follow my orders from before. Leave no witnesses. I unholstered my weapon and moved through the main room towards Dr. Cummings. He looked at me wide eyed, pleading for his life. I pressed the barrel of the gun to his temple. All those feelings from before were gone now. For some reason, unknown to me, I felt a lot of rage towards this man. Like he’s done something to me that is unforgivable._

_“Hail Hydra.” I heard Mr. Pierce say before I pulled the trigger._

“Have you ever mentioned Hydra to her before? Like in passing or have you talked about it with anyone and she could’ve overheard?” Bucky asked quietly, trying to figure out how Talia knew about Hydra. The little girl sat at the dinner table eating a pudding cup while the adults were gathered in the kitchen. My arms were tied over my chest and I shook my head.

“No never,” I uttered softly. It wasn’t a complete lie. I talked about Hydra in that letter I wrote to Talia when we were gathering the infinity stones, but it was blown to smithereens when the compound was attacked. So, there is no possible way Talia could know about Hydra.

“Maybe she got into your head,”

“–No, that’s not possible. I block her out,” I cut off Sam’s impossible explanation.

“Well how else would she know about Hydra?” Bucky questioned in a snappy way. You could tell he was starting to get annoyed and upset.

“Steve?” Sam offered another explanation. “–He had a bone to pick with Hydra. Maybe he was thinking about it when he was around Talia,” He added. That was a good explanation, but it leaves more questions than answers.

“Possible, but why bring it up now?” Bucky countered.

“Were you thinking about it?” I asked Buck outright. He shook his head at me.

“No, I wasn’t. I was too busy playing with Talia to be thinking about my past,” He answered. Half of me wondered if he was lying to me about it but the other half knew that Bucky wouldn’t lie about something like this, especially in this situation. How else would Talia know about Hydra? Why else would she say hail Hydra? 

My heart stopped and all the blood in my body ran cold. My stomach turned at the idea that popped into my head. I let out a heavy breath and looked at Bucky.

“We need to call Danica,” I said softly, hating the idea. Bucky’s brows furrowed as he looked at me. But then his face softened when he realized what I was thinking.

“You think she had a vision?” He whispered.

“I think it’s possible,” I said honestly. Bucky’s face fell as he looked over at Talia.

“Wait like a vision, vision? Like she saw the future or something?” Sam seemed a bit bewildered by the idea of Talia being able to see the future. I wouldn’t be surprised if Talia did see something. Whether it be the future or the past. Suddenly I wanted to subject Talia to all the tests known to man. I needed to know what she was capable of because it seems every day, she can do something new. She has far more reign of her abilities than I did at her age. And I’m sure she has more control over them than most of the other subjects did at her age.

“Danica had a vision the day Thanos came. She predicted it long before we ever knew about Thanos. So, it’s not out of the realm of possibilities for Talia to be able to see the future or the past,” I told Sam.

“Danica’s in Wakanda with the other girls right now,” Buck reminded. I pursed my lips and sighed heavily. I glanced over at Bucky. He was already looking at me, as if telling me what we needed to do next. I nodded in agreement.

“Looks like we’re going to Wakanda,”


	4. No Place Like Home

_2018_

The queasy feeling became unbearably prominent as I stared at myself in the gas station bathroom mirror. I left Wakanda a few days ago and came to New York again. I left out of the blue, telling the girls…–The girl, Lada. The only one who remained after the snap. I told her that I was going to New York for a while and I didn’t know when I was going to be back. Of course, I told Shuri that I was leaving for an unknown amount of time. I don’t think she’s expecting me to come back.

My eyebrow arched when I saw my phone screen light up, indicating a new message from Steve. He was the only one who knew I was in New York. The only person from my family. I didn’t want to tell Nat; she’d have too many questions and she’d quickly learn the answers. Natasha wasn’t stupid. So, I only told Steve. I didn’t ask if it was alright if I came to New York for a visit, no. I dropped the news on him that I was in New York and needed to see him last minute. Of course, he was on his way to get me as soon as I told him where I was. Big brother Steve to the rescue again.

I debated on texting Natasha, but I knew she’d drop her entire world to come to my aid. But I really just wanted her here with me right now. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. It’s been a few weeks since the snap and we’re all just trying to pick up the pieces. No, I won’t contact Nat. She’s basically running S.H.I.E.L.D all on her own now, she doesn’t need the added stresses of my crumbling life.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I looked down at the countertop once again. My mind couldn’t help but drift to the first time I met Bucky Barnes. Not the Winter Soldier. James Buchanan Barnes. The sweet and tender loving man he was before the war.

_All at once I fell out of sleep. My eyes flickered open. My face scrunched in pain, my eyes tightly shutting again when they sizzled with pain from the bright sunlight pouring down onto my face from the window across the room. It must be early morning._

_A moment later I realized I was in the bed I had in Wakanda, my head partly on the soft pillow with something firm underneath it. I inhaled and exhaled blissfully before coming to the acknowledgment I could feel the smooth warm fabric of the duvet draped over my side and the mattress pressed against my other side._

_Slowly, I opened my eyes once more. A smile crept across my face when I saw the man’s body beside me in the bed. His bare chest rising and falling as he slept peacefully. I nestled closer to the hot body next to mine. I stopped my mind from thinking at the speed of light so I could enjoy this moment. I felt truly idyllic and calm. Laying next to Bucky, after the amazing night we had, made me feel like I was really in the moment._

_I couldn’t help but giggle silently when I saw he had used a pillow to guard his face from the morning light._

_“Stop laughing at me.” His grumbling voice came from under the pillow. This made me giggle even more._

_“I’m not laughing at you,” I lied teasingly._

_“Mhmm,” He moaned. “–I’d be using my arm, but somebody is using it at the moment,” He added in a lighthearted tone. My smile grew at his comment and I shook my head._

_“If memory serves you’re the one who wanted cuddles,” I remarked in a playful tone. Bucky snorted at my statement and shook his head._

_“No way.”_

_“Yes way,” I retorted, snuggling closer to him. I rested a hand on his chest and placed my chin on the back of my hand. Buck looked down his nose at me with a sly smirk. I didn’t stop myself from getting lost in his magnificent blue eyes. They appeared to be a true blue with gold reflecting in them from the morning sun. Warm memories flowed from him into the forefront of my mind. Swing music echoed through open windows on a hot summer day. Three young girls danced in a small living room of an apartment with one young man. It smelt like a cool breeze blowing through open fields. Laughter erupted from the apartment. An older woman stood at the ironing board, pressing dress shirts and slacks._

_Then there were two young men running down a busy street, laughing with small brown paper bags in their clutches. I recognized the sunny boy as Steve. His clothes were a size too big and his bony knees were bruised and scraped up. The other was Bucky. His short dark brown hair bounced in curls as they both ran in the sunshine down the streets of Brooklyn._

_I could smell home cooking and I could hear a woman saying grace. Thanking God for the things they had and praying hard times only got better. Bedtime stories and prayers before the sound of crickets and frogs filled the warm night along with the fast blades of a fan somewhere in a dark room. Two young boys giggling and pretending to be asleep._

_“Like what you see?” Bucky’s voice brought me out of those warm memories. I hadn’t realized I had closed my eyes until I opened them again. I hummed contently and smiled at the remembrance of better days._

_“You always have such strong memories,” I quietly mumbled. “–It’s like I’m there living them with you.” Bucky purred in response as a graceful smile cross his lips._

_“Every time you get inside my head it gets a bit easier to remember things. Like while you’re in there you’re chipping away at the blocks that keep those memories from me,” He breathed softly, his eyes drifting closed as he rewound all the good memories he had and just relished in them. This time I didn’t get lost in his memories. I watched as he got lost in his memories. He looked the same way he did that morning he woke up in Wakanda. His skin glowed in the morning light. A rosy colour pecked each cheek and nose. The bags under his eyes were all but distant history. His dark hair made a halo around his head._

_Seeing how peaceful he looked made my smile broaden. I leaned up and pressed my lips to his gently. I felt a faint smile spread across his lips as he kissed back. I noted his arm bend and his large hand capture the space between my shoulders gingerly. The warm water feeling from yesterday returned and made streams through my body. But our moment was interrupted when a loud crashing sound came from somewhere in the home followed by girlish chatter and squeals. I pulled away slightly and sighed at the remembrance that the girls were here too and were, obviously, awake. Bucky chuckled as I stayed put._

_“That brings back memories,” He mumbled in an amused way. I cocked an eyebrow at him._

_“Steve?” I muttered softly. Bucky laughed again and nodded._

_“Yeah, Steve,” He replied lightheartedly. “–And my sisters.” I purred in response and nodded._

_“Somethings never change, do they?” I pulled away from him and rolled off the soft bed. I threw on a plain black tee shirt that was a size too big on me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Bucky laying there looking at me like a sad puppy who just got his treat taken away. I sighed at the sight in front of me and shook my head before turning on my heel and pouncing onto the empty spot on the bed. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his once more, pulling away I patted the duvet covering his bare lower body. I got off the bed again and pulled on my tactical pants and left the room. The hallway was shadowed but sunlight flowed in through the windows on one side._

I damn near jumped out of my skin when there was a knock on the bathroom door. This abruptly ended the lovely memory. My heart galloped inside my chest as I waited to make sure I didn’t make up the knock to bring myself out of that memory.

“El?” Steve’s voice came through the door. I swallowed down hard and gathered my things into my bag after a moment of coming up with the nerve to open the door and face Steve. I opened the bathroom door and came face to face with Steve for the first time in a few weeks. For the first time since the snap.

“Hey.” I managed to push out the measly greeting in a mousy voice. Steve’s expression was somewhere between surprised and concerned. He looked me up and down once before his eyes settled on mine.

“Hey,” He greeted in a small voice, even though he sounded surer than I did. “–Are you okay?” I guess it was pretty obvious I wasn’t okay in the slightest. It’s been a hard few weeks, and it’s only gotten substantially harder.

“Can we get out of here?” I asked, avoiding his question entirely. Steve must’ve guessed something was off with me and decided to just let me come out to him on my own terms. He nodded and we left the gas station. I’m really thankful Steve drove a car rather than his motorcycle. I got into the front seat and sighed heavily.

“How long have you been in New York?” Steve’s question broke the thick silence after a few minutes of driving. Steve’s never been really good with tension or suspense. He wants to cut to the chase as soon as possible. But he also didn’t want to outright ask me what was going on.

“A few days,” I replied shortly. I didn’t know what else to say beyond that.

“Where are you staying?” He asked, looking over at me briefly before going back to the somewhat empty road ahead.

“A hotel in Brooklyn,” I responded. Again, I didn’t know what else to add to that.

“Okay…” He drew out the word. “–How long are you staying?” He desperately tried to keep the car from going quiet again. I swallowed down hard and crossed my arms over my chest. My heart felt like it was breaking inside my chest.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. I heard Steve exhale heavily. His grip on the steering wheel tightened. He was getting tired of me avoiding the conversation. I was getting tired of it too, but I didn’t know how to come out with it. I looked over at Steve when he pulled over to the side of the road and put the car in park. He looked over at me with a stern expression.

“Why are you here Elena?” He demanded. The harshness in his voice brought emotional tears to my eyes. I felt like I was going to explode into a billion little pieces. My heart felt like it was broken. I tried to force back the tears and choke down the sobs, but I failed. I couldn’t stop myself from breaking down. I hid my face in the palms of my hands and tried to stop my crying and get a grip, but it was useless.

“El.” Steve’s voice was now soft and tender. I felt a hand hold my shoulder as I cried. My mind couldn’t stop replaying the day I lost him over and over again. I stop badly wanted him to be here with me. I needed him to be here with me. I felt all sorts of things that I didn’t know how to handle on my own.

I couldn’t gather my words to tell Steve what was going on, so I went into my bag and grabbed it. Hesitantly, I handed it to Steve as I continued to sob. Through blurry vision I saw Steve look at it confusedly for a moment before a look of clarity overcame him.

“Oh,” He murmured softly, still looking down at it. Then another wave of clarity widened his eyes as he looked up at me. “– _Oh_ ,” He reiterated, this time with the light bulb going off over his head. I pried my gaze away from his face to the white stick in his hands. In my big brother’s hands was a pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test. And Steve just figured out that his childhood best friend James Buchanan Barnes is the father. And he no longer exists.


	5. Bad Thoughts

As soon as it was decided, I called T’Challa and informed him that we were coming to Wakanda. Shuri was there and she was over the moon to be able to meet Talia for the first time and hopefully explore those unexplored brainwaves further. I’d be lying if I didn’t get a little upset by that. Having my daughter undergo testing is bringing up a lot of memories I’d rather leave in the past. It makes me feel like a failure as a mother to have her go through some of the same things I went through. The testing and observing. The having her to do tasks to see what she’s capable of. It’s all making an unsettled feeling captivate me. 

“Mama.” Talia’s voice broke my train of thought. I looked over at her, she had stopped colouring in the sketch book and looked up at me. 

“Yes sweetheart?” I chirped back at her in a lively tone of voice. 

“Why are we going to Kanda?” She asked curiously. My heart sank into a bottomless pit. How do I tell my daughter that we’re going to figure out if what she said was because of a vision or if she got it from somewhere else? How do I tell her she’ll most likely be subjected to more testing? The idea of Talia undergoing more testing left a sour taste in my mouth. 

“We’re going to see your aunt Danica,” Bucky said from across the aisle. Both Talia and I looked at him. From the corner of my eye, I saw Talia nod at her father. I merely blinked at him. I was thankful that he answered her question, so I didn’t have to. 

“Are we gonna see my other aunties too?” Talia questioned in a curious but excited tone. Her voice was riddled with excitement and hope.  Oh, to be young and full of wonder. 

“Yes, of course we are,” I said to her with a smile. Talia squealed happily and clapped her hands. To say she loved seeing the girls would be an understatement. After the snap, a few weeks ago, the girls stayed in New York for a few days and hung out with us to catch up on five years of lost time. 

“I’m  gonna draw them a picture,” Talia announced, flipping to an empty page in her sketch book. Seeing her do something every little girl does only broke my heart even more. She spent her entire life thinking she was a normal little girl and then a few weeks ago she learned that she was different, and all these people want to see what she can do. If I thought my world got turned upside down, hers  must’ve been spun around a bunch of times and landed upside down. When this all  began, she thought we were just going to see Natasha for a few days, then when she gets there  she’s tested on and  observed like a lab rat. Then she learned about the time machines and how  we’re going to bring her daddy back. She went away for a few days and came back to learn she lost her Aunty Nat and Uncle Steve, but she gained her father back. Plus, an uncle and aunts she never met. And now  she’s being tested on some more by people she never met. She must be so confused and scared. But from what  I’ve gathered by tapping into her mind and emotions,  she’s taking everything with a grain of salt. 

“Hey,” Bucky uttered softly. I turned to look at him. Bucky wore a sympathetic expression. “–Don’t worry so much. We’ll be okay,” He said surely. I wanted to believe him, but I  wasn’t so sure. There was something inside me that said there was danger right around the corner.  I’m not sure if I was being paranoid due to past events or if something bad was  actually going to happen. 

“I can’t help but worry,” I laughed lightly, trying to calm my nerves. It  didn’t work. 

“That’s motherhood I suppose,” Bucky chuckled. I couldn’t help but smile at his comment. He was right to a degree. My stress levels have gone through the roof since Talia was born. But this was different. I’m not sure if it’s because of what Talia said back in New York or if something was amiss. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out how she could possibly know about Hydra. Sam’s theory that Steve was the culprit by mistake made sense but that doesn’t explain why she brought it up now of all times. Why hasn’t she ever asked about it before? Why did she bring up now? And if it wasn’t Steve, then how does she know about it? I keep Talia locked out of my head for some very good reasons. Maybe she heard it in Bucky’s head but he says he doesn’t think about Hydra around Talia, he has other things to think about. And I doubt it was Sam who was thinking about Hydra. 

“Mama,” Talia murmured softly. I didn’t realize I was staring at her intently while I was trying to think of how and why Talia knows about Hydra. I blinked a few times and the world came back into focus. Talia was looking up at me from her sketch book, bright blue eyes glimmering like water in sunlight. Her wild curly dark brown hair was put into high pigtails to keep it out of her face. 

“Yes luv?” I replied, letting her know I was listening. Talia paused for a moment, chewing on her cheek as she tried to think of what to say. Her eyebrows furrowed as she turned to face her father with a look of utter concentration on her face. 

Without hesitation I opened my mind a little bit and went into the little girl’s mind. Children’s thoughts are much different than adults’ thoughts. Yes, I heard her thoughts but it’s usually jumbled up in a mess of emotions and images, and I can only hear key words that clue me into what she’s thinking. 

In Talia’s mind I saw a lot of the colour red, then red stars that were connected with emotions of uncertainty, guilt, shame and curiosity. Then the words big trouble, don’t ask and Hydra floated through her mind. I pieced together that she wanted to ask about Hydra but she didn’t want to cause any ill feelings that’ll come with bringing up mine and her father’s pasts. Talia knows nothing about our pasts but I’m guessing she’s put two and two together; how I feel when she asks me about my history and who my mama and daddy are. She must know that I don’t like talking about it. And she must sense the tension now that she’s brought up Hydra. 

I was in the middle of listening to Talia’s thoughts when I heard it. Flashes of torture, bloodshed and pain overthrew Talia’s already loud ideas. My eyes widened and my head snapped into Bucky’s direction. He was staring off into the distance, lost in thought. If I was hearing and seeing these things then Talia was too. 

“Bucky!” I snapped harshly. Bucky and Sam both jumped at the harshness of my voice. They looked at me wide eyed. 

“Little ears are listening to what you’re thinking,” I added in a cold way. A look of shame captured Bucky’s face when he realized what was happening. His eyes went from me to Talia who was still looking at him with a look of pure concentration on her face. But tears welled up in her eyes and her lower lip trembled. A high-pitched whine escaped from the little girl as she recoiled into herself to hide away from being seen. I immediately got up from my seat and scooped her up, sitting down in her seat with her in my lap. Talia nestled her face into the crook of my neck as she choked on the sobs. 

Bucky got up from his seat and moved over to my now empty seat. He looked like he was on the verge of crying too. The feeling of extreme guilt radiated off him like the sun radiates heat. 

“Talia. Baby, I’m so sorry you had to hear that,” Bucky tried apologizing sincerely but it only made Talia cry harder. 

“Why did those people hurt you like that?” She sobbed then sniffled. I got the feeling that Talia saw more than I did. I only got a glimpse of his thoughts, she must’ve saw and heard far more than me. Bucky let out a heavy sigh as he leaned forward, he rested his hand on Talia’s knee. He didn’t know what to say to her about what she saw. Neither did I. 

“They’re bad people,” I whispered to her. “–But don’t worry baby, they can’t hurt any of us,” I said surely. This is one of the few things I’m sure of. Hydra cannot and will not hurt anyone in my family ever again. 

After about half an hour of crying, Talia tuckered herself out and fell asleep. She was curled up in my lap sound asleep. Bucky didn’t move from the seat in front of me. I kept in his head to make sure he didn’t drift back into thinking about his past. He felt so guilty and ashamed of himself for letting those thoughts happen in front of Talia. 

“Are you okay?” I asked softly. Bucky’s steel blue eyes found me and a grim line drew across his mouth. He sighed and shifted in his seat. 

“I can’t believe I let those thoughts creep back in,” He muttered. I frowned at him. 

“I know you can’t help it,” I said honestly. I knew he couldn’t help having those thoughts. I have those thoughts too. But the only difference is, I can block Talia from getting into my head. How do I teach someone who doesn’t have the same abilities to block people from getting into their head? Can I even do that? Is it possible for Bucky to block Talia out? I wanted to believe so but the likelihood is slim to none with none taking the lead. 

“I wish I didn’t have these thoughts,” Buck murmured, frowning. His eyes fell away from me and moved to out the window. 

“I have those thoughts too,” I told him truthfully. Buck’s eyes snapped back to me and he furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. 

“You’re able to block her out of your head. I can’t. I can’t protect her from those thoughts that I have,” 

“–I've told her more than once to stay out of your head. Maybe after this she’ll stay out,” I informed him. Bucky shook his head again. I knew he felt so guilty and ashamed about this whole situation and he’s  gonna beat himself up about it for an extended period of time. But he’s been through a lot in his life, it’s normal for those memories to creep in sometimes. 

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have flashbacks to what I’ve been through. Some days are better than others but each and every day I keep it pushing even when I don’t want to. It’s taken me years upon years to get to this point. I’ve also had practise at motherhood while dealing with those memories, Bucky’s been thrown into the deep end and expected to know how to swim. 

“It’s not your fault, Buck,” I whispered. 

“Why does it feel like my fault?” He asked in a sharp tone. 

“What happened to you wasn’t your fault,” I told him firmly. Buck shook his head at me and sighed. 

“If I hadn’t enlisted then none of this would’ve happened,”

“–And Talia wouldn’t be here,” I snapped at him. I didn’t care for this pity party he was throwing for himself. Yes, what Hydra did to us was hideous and should never have happened. But if Hydra hadn’t picked Bucky to be their lab rat then who knows where I’d be right now. Also, Talia wouldn’t even be here. Bucky would probably be dead right now. 

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself and deal with your shit. You’re a father now, you can’t be the semi stable hundred-year-old man anymore. Yes, those thoughts are  gonna creep in at times but it’s your job to not focus on them too much. You’re in charge of your life, start acting like it.” I knew I was being a bit of a bitch but sometimes it’s needed. I get that he’s feeling guilt and shame but it’s an entirely different story to wallow in his own self-pity. I wasn’t about to look after a four-year-old toddler and a one-hundred-year-old super soldier. He needed to figure out how to help himself so he can help me raise our daughter. 


	6. Timpuri Mai Simple

_ Six Weeks Earlier... _

“I can’t believe you had a kid,” Galina said in disbelief, she couldn’t take her eyes off the little girl sitting at the round table eating a fruit cup. Bucky was sitting at the table with her, he looked as though he couldn’t believe his eyes. He was staring at a smaller female version of himself. I didn’t realize exactly how much she looked like him until they were side by side. 

“I can’t believe I had a kid either,” I laughed light heartedly. 

“I can’t believe you had a kid with Barnes of all people,” Sam chuckled, nudging me with his elbow. I couldn’t help but shake my head at him. Sam was sounding like Tony. Neither of them could believe I had a child with Bucky. It made me titter. 

Sadness hung heavy in my chest when I remembered Tony. He was no longer here with us. It’s been a few days since the funeral and we’re back in Brooklyn. Lada, Galina, Danica, Zasha and Sam were over to catch up with me. And to make sure Bucky’s adjusting well to fatherhood. So far, so good. Tony didn’t need to roll in his grave, or haunt Bucky for not being a good dad. 

“Mama!” Talia shouted for me. My attention went to her; she was holding up Bucky’s left hand with wide eyes and a wide toothy smile. 

“Daddy has a metal arm! That’s so cool! Can I have a metal arm too?” I neglected to tell Talia that Bucky has a metal arm; mainly because it didn’t cross my mind. I didn’t think to tell her he had a metal arm. Seeing Talia’s reaction to his metal arm made me smile. It made him smile too. I know he has some sort of feelings about it, but those feelings might’ve changed now, knowing his daughter thinks it’s cool. 

“No, you cannot have a metal arm too,” I replied with a smile. Talia pouted at me before looking over at Bucky, dropping his hand.  She went back to conversing with Bucky about God knows what, but he looked intent on their conversation. Without much thought, I opened my mind up and let the thoughts in. I kept my focus on Talia and Bucky, to make sure I don’t hear anyone else. 

‘ _ She doesn’t have a care in the world. She’s so happy. Happy to be here with me. She loves me so much even though we just met a few days ago, _ ’ Bucky thought as he stared at Talia, nodding, and smiling along with what she was saying. My heart swelled with joy when the familiar feeling washed over me. I remember Nat feeling this when she first met me, and she took on the role of mother to me. It was a feeling of unconditional love and the need to protect. It felt like being at the beach in the summertime; the sun is hot, but the water is coolly washing over you. Warm but cool. It’s a contradicting feeling but that’s what unconditional love feels like. 

‘ _ El did such a good job with her. How will I fit into their world now? I don’t care, I’ve got my girls back. I have everything I ever wanted. Everything I wanted before the war. Wait, do I have everything? Does El want to be with me? Was I just a fling for her? I want her so bad, but I can’t force her to turn a cheek to the past. The ball is in her court, I guess. Maybe I can bring it up casually to see where she wants to go from here. _ ’ Bucky’s thoughts drastically shifted. 

“Mama!” Talia’s voice broke my concentration. I blinked a few times and looked at her. Her olive complexion was beaming as she stood on the chair at the table. A large smile showcased her pearly white baby teeth. 

“Yes baby?” I piped up curiously. Talia looked from me to Bucky then back to me. Her bright blue eyes seemed so vibrant as she looked wide eyed at us. 

“Daddy wants to know if you will marry him!” She shouted happily. The entire apartment stopped and looked over at Bucky. Sam choked on his coffee, trying to stifle his laughter. Zasha and Galina giggled to themselves. Lada covered her mouth, staring wide eyed at me then at Bucky and Talia at the table. Danica had to take deep breaths to prevent herself from bursting out with laughter. Bucky looked like he wanted to die. His usually pale complexion turned beet red and he sank into himself. Meanwhile, I was trying to hard not to laugh. I could feel it in my chest, but I couldn’t show her that this was funny. 

“What makes you think that?” I asked her. Talia crouched down on the chair and turned to her father for a brief moment before looking back at me. 

“Because daddy loves you. And you…–you love daddy. And when a mommy and daddy love each other they get married,” Talia explained why she believed Bucky wanted to marry me. And to a four-year-old, this logic is sound. My heart skipped a beat in my chest. I wasn’t gonna lie, the thought never crossed my mind before. The idea of marriage never once crossed my mind. Hell, a relationship with Bucky never crossed my mind. He was gone for five years and before that I was running away from my feelings. We never discussed a relationship; we only enjoyed the companionship the other provided. 

But now I was put in a tough spot. How do I go about this topic? Do I tell Talia that mommy and daddy need to date each other before they get married, or do I tell her that we don’t know where to go with our relationship? All she knows is mommy and daddy love each other, so her logical explanation is for us to get married. 

“Well tell daddy that we should go on a date before we talk about marriage,” I quipped back at her with a half-smile. A look of relief washed over Bucky’s face. Talia looked at her father with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. 

“You haven’t gone on a date?” She asked in utter disbelief. Bucky tried to explain himself, but he stumbled over his words. That’s when Talia’s expression swiftly changed to confusion. Her dark eyebrows fell together strongly, and a straight line drew across her mouth. 

“If you haven’t gone on a date, how did you get me? Because it takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. Wouldn’t they need to go on a date to make that baby?” Talia’s question caused the entire apartment to erupt with laughter. I couldn’t help but laugh uncomfortably as well. Bucky chuckled through a bright shade of blush. 

_ Present. _

“Would you marry me?” The question popped out before I could stop it. Bucky’s eyes moved away from the window to meet my gaze. His dark brows knitted together confusedly. 

“I’m sorry?” He whispered confoundedly. Well, I started this conversation, might as well keep it going. 

“Would you marry me?” I repeated a little clearer this time. Bucky looked me over for a quiet moment. I could see the wheels in his head turning. 

“I want to do this the right way. Y’know, we have a kid. It only makes sense for us to get married,” Bucky replied honestly. I could tell he had a very 1940’s mindset when it came to having a family. He strongly believed that just because we have a kid means we need to get married. But that’s not what I asked. 

“Let’s take Talia out of the equation, would you marry me?” I reiterated in an even clearer way. Bucky pursed his lips as he looked back out the window at the night sky. I watched as his arms slightly tightened around the little girl sleeping in his lap. His thumb stroked her hair gently as he thought carefully. 

“Yes. Yes, I would marry you. Would you marry me?” He asked curiously. I smiled at him and nodded. 

“Yeah,” I giggled as tears formed in my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I was on the verge of crying but the happiness and love I felt was overwhelming. It was like that day on the battlefield when I confessed to Bucky that I loved him. Only this time I didn’t need to worry about Bucky being taken away from me. There was no fight. No battle. No fear that tomorrow may not come. I get the chance to have my little family and enjoy it. 

“Would you like to go on a date with me first?” Bucky laughed which caused me to laugh as well. 

“Yeah, I would like that,” I replied with a smile. Our little conversation was interrupted when the plane jutted a bit, signifying us going through the shield and entering Wakanda. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. This would be the first time in five years I’ll be back in Wakanda. Bucky was here only a few weeks ago when Thanos’ snap was undone, and everyone came back. Meanwhile, the last time I was in Wakanda I found out I was pregnant, and it was only a few weeks after Thanos’ snap that wiped out half the universe including the two men on either side of me. 

I grabbed Talia’s bag as well as mine and Bucky’s bags and we made our way off the plane onto the airfield. That’s when Sam grabbed a bag from me and helped me carry them. It was weird having to pack a bag for someone instead of just going to where I needed to go. Talia needed clothes and toiletries, and toys as well as travel snacks. Bucky was getting a crash course in having a young child. He was so used to being able to just go somewhere without planning it first. I was used to that too but after Talia was born, I had to plan every outing before we went anywhere. Now I pack for myself too because if I spend more than a day in one outfit, I feel dirty. 

Bucky carried Talia through the breezeway between the airfield and the palace. The little girl was still fast asleep in her father’s arms. We arrived in Wakanda late at night. At the doors of the palace was Shuri, waiting with a tablet in her hand. T’Challa had other business to attend to but he’d see us in the morning. In the meantime, Shuri was eagerly awaiting our arrival. This was the first time she was going to meet Talia. This was the first time T’Challa was going to meet her too. Luckily for me, Talia was a very friendly person who made friends easily. 

“Elena,” Shuri greeted with a smile then turned to Bucky. “–Sargent Barnes,” She added, her dark eyes moved from Bucky to the small child wrapped around his middle with her head on his shoulder. 

“This must be Natalia.” I couldn’t help but look over at my sleeping baby. Bucky should feel special. I’m the only person she’d fall asleep on, she’d never sleep if Steve or Nat were holding her. And a few hours ago, she crawled onto Bucky’s lap and fell asleep. Of course, she had him read her the story we were reading her. I started reading her Alice In Wonderland a few days ago and almost every night she wants Bucky to read to her at bedtime. So, I shouldn’t be so surprised that tonight was so different. 

“And you must be Sam Wilson,” Shuri chirped happily looking at Sam. Sam tiredly waved at Shuri. Judging by Shuri’s change in expression, she must’ve gathered the idea that we were tired after the long journey. 

“Well, you all must be exhausted after your long flight. I’ll show you to your rooms,” Shuri said then turned on her heel. She led us through the palace to our rooms. Sam got his own room while Bucky and I shared a joined room with Talia. T’Challa made sure I had my old room which had been modified to have a conjoining room. He made this alteration when he found I was expecting Talia. He wanted to make sure I had a home at the palace as well.

We bid our goodnights and went our separate ways for the night. Bucky tucked Talia into bed before coming into our room. I stood at the end of the bed with my arms tied over my chest as I continued to look around my old room, seeing all my old books and pictures on the walls. It’s been seven years since I was in this room. 

Buck came over to me with a sigh, he shoved his hands into his jean pockets as he looked around the room. Bucky and I looked at each other for a moment before we both collapsed onto the bed with grunts. We just underwent almost twenty hours of travelling with a small child. We were both exhausted. Super soldier or not, we can only last so long with Talia before tiring. 

I crawled up towards the head of the bed and laid my head on a pillow. Bucky followed me and flopped down onto the pillow beside me. The larger super soldier turned onto his side and snuggled closer to me, slinging his arm over my stomach, and pulling me toward him. I looked over at him and smiled weakly. Bucky was laying on his side with his eyes closed. It wasn’t long before he was snoring softly. Well, at least now I know where Talia gets the ability to just fall asleep from. 


	7. Subject Zero and Project Istoki

The blisteringly cold wind whipped around me, blowing the sharp snowflakes against my exposed skin. I could feel my hair whipping around in the wind, hitting my face like tiny knives. I opened my eyes slowly, taking in the dull grey scenery around me. The almost black mountains covered in snow contrasted against the greyness of the sky. My eyebrows furrowed together as I looked down to see I was wearing an all black outfit. A blank tank top and form fitting tactical pants. I wore no shoes or socks, so my bare feet were buried in the ankle deep snow.

Slowly, I turned around to see what was behind me. The coldness around me couldn’t compare to how icy cold my blood ran when I saw the insignia printed on the large metal door. My heart raced inside my chest as I stood outside the entrance. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to turn around and leave. But I couldn’t. Something inside me told me to go inside. I needed to go inside. 

I flinched when the large metal door opened, revealing the dank dimly lit inside. There was no one at the door to open it. My stomach twisted and knotted as I stood out in the cold, looking at the gaping opening to my past. I hated that I was back here. I hated this place for so many reasons. Especially after what happened with Tony. I lost control and that scared me. I can never lose control like that ever again. 

Bravely, I took the first steps inside. The inside was barely warmer than the outside. The long hallways were lit by tungsten filament lamps that lined the walls. Water dripped from the pipes that were laid against the wall. I could hear people in the distance talking and computers beeping. 

The further into the facility I went the more my body warned me to get out. My fight or flight reaction was kicked into overdrive and it was telling me to turn around and run away. But there was something in me that said I can’t do that. That I needed to keep moving forward. I was at war with myself over this. I sensed danger; danger I couldn’t handle on my own, but my gut was telling me to keep going. And I’ve learned over the years to trust my gut.

I stopped dead in my tracks and all the hair on my body stood up. In the middle of the hallway was a small figure standing there with their back to me. I immediately recognized the thick mop of dark curls. It was Talia. She was standing in the middle of a hallway in the Hydra facility in Siberia. She wore a dirty white oversized tee shirt and matching baggy pants. She was bare foot. Seeing Talia here wasn’t the most unsettling thing about this situation. The little girl softly sang a song she shouldn’t know. I’ve only sang that song to her once in her entire life, and when I did she was fast asleep. How could she possibly know it? 

“Are mama o fetiţă, cat un ghemotoc. Are mama o fetiţă, cuminţică foc. Veselă şi harnicuţă unde s-ar afla. Parcă e o albinuţă, aşa este ea. Şi la şcoală şi acasă ea mereu de zor. Fata mamei e voioasă şi de ajutor.”

“Baby, what are you doing here?” I questioned, taking a step closer to her. I could see over her shoulder she was holding onto a dirty ragdoll; fiddling with the long strands of dark brown yarn that symbolized the doll’s hair.

“This is my home.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. My brows fell together confusedly as I watched the small girl. She kept her back to me.

“Honey, this isn’t your home. What’re you doing here?” I asked her gently, kneeling down behind her.

“This _is_ my home. It’s where I was brought. This is where I hurt the bad people,” She replied in an even softer voice. My heart felt like it was about to explode out of my chest. My furrowed brows dug deeper creases in my forehead as I tilted my head at the little girl.

“Talia, honey what are you talking about?” I asked confusedly. The little girl dropped her arms to her sides, the doll dangling from her tight grasp.

“My name isn’t Talia,” She murmured, slowly turning to face me. All the air fled my lungs when I saw the small girl’s face. It was my daughter, but it wasn’t. This little girl was Talia but the look on her face was so foreign to Talia’s usual facial expressions. Those vibrant blue eyes were empty knives, slicing into me as she stared at me emotionlessly. She looked exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in days. Her usually rosy cheeks and sun kissed face was deathly pale. Bruises and marks littered her forehead, temples, and cheekbones. I immediately recognized those bruise patterns. They’re the same bruise patterns from when I’d have my mind erased.

“My name is Subject Zero,”

I jerked upright, eyes flying open. I took a wild gasp for air. I flailed, trying to fend off the invisible threat. The warm tingly feeling rushed through my fingers and I heard fabric tear as I swung my arm; loud thumps followed in suit. Suddenly I realized I was no longer in the Hydra facility in Siberia, I was in Wakanda. I was in my bed in Wakanda. I tore the curtains open when I flailed and threw a few books off the shelves. The room glowed brightly with pure gold beams of the sunrise piercing through the windows. I put a hand over my heart to try and keep it from beating out of my chest. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears as I panted. A thick layer of sweat coated my entire body, making my hair stick to the back of my neck.

“It was just a dream,” I told myself. After a moment of trying to catch my breath and slow my heart down, I looked over at other side of the bed. A smile spread across my face when I saw the two people sound asleep in the bed beside me. Bucky was laying on his side with one arm under the pillow for support and his other arm was lazily curled around the little girl. Talia must’ve crawled into bed with us at some point last night. She was asleep, tucked into her father’s chest.

My heart fell into my butt and my stomach twisted into knots when I saw it. Securely tucked under Talia’s arm was the ragdoll from my dreams. This shouldn’t be cause for alarm, but Talia doesn’t own any ragdolls, nevertheless this particular one.

“What’re you looking at?” Bucky groggily questioned; his eyes still closed. I shook my head and frowned, trying to come up with a possible explanation. Maybe Shuri had it waiting for Talia when she got here last night. Yeah, Shuri would do that. She likes leaving people nice little surprises and since Talia would be in a strange place far away from home, she’d want her to feel at home. And maybe at some point during the night, without even realizing it, I saw the doll and that’s how it got into my dream.

“Nothing,” I murmured. Bucky’s eyes opened and found me; he readjusted his head on the pillow with a sigh.

“She had a bad dream, so I let her sleep in bed with us to make her feel safe,” Buck explained in a gruff voice. I nodded my head at him.

“She’s not the only one,” I mumbled quietly, looking away from the super soldier. I turned and looked out the open window to watch the sunrise. The treetops blew in the gentle breeze and the morning birds sang their cheery little songs as they flew by. I heard the bedsheets ruffle with movement then a strained groan.

“You had a nightmare?” Bucky asked softly. Again, I nodded. “–About what?” He quizzed curiously. This time I shook my head. The remembrance of that dream hung heavy in my mind. I ran both hands down my face from my hair and sighed heavily.

“Nothing. It was just a silly bad dream,” I replied, looking over at him. Bucky looked like he had more questions but realized I wasn’t in the mood to talk about the dream. I just wanted to get the day started. Well, my day anyways. Talia should be asleep for another little while. Enough time for me to pull myself together.

“I’m going for a shower,” I told Bucky as I climbed out of bed. He hummed in response and before he could say anything I waltzed into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I leaned against the door for a moment, taking a few deep breaths. I had to snap out of it. It was just a dream. But that dream meant so much more to me than I cared to admit.

“Stop it, El,” I snarled at myself, pushing those thoughts out of my mind. I pulled myself away from the door after another deep breath. I went over to the shower stall and turned the hot water on. I stripped out of my dirty clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor. The feeling of hot water running down my body relaxed my muscles and untensed my shoulders.

“The faster we get this figured out, the faster we can go home,” I told myself through frustration. Bucky doesn’t know I know this but the day I called T’Challa to ask if we could come to Wakanda to see Danica about the vision Talia had, Bucky and T’Challa had a talk. Buck asked T’Challa if they could test Talia for the serum while we’re here. Of course, T’Challa obliged. He was beyond curious to see what happens when you combine two super soldiers, one of which has mental superpowers. I don’t blame him for being curious. I don’t blame anyone for being curious. Talia is the first of her kind. She’ll blaze the trails to see what the super soldier serum does throughout the generational process. Will it get weaker as the serum in the DNA gets muddied out? Or will it continue to remain strong? What’ll happen if the serum interacts with certain traits? Who wouldn’t want to figure this out? Who wouldn’t be curious as to how the serum reproduces through the generations? 

But I hated the idea of Talia undergoing more testing. This time it’s going to be physical stuff rather than her mental capabilities. This was new territory for Talia. Up until this point it’s only been obvious she has the mental abilities I do, plus some. Now she’s going to be tested to see if she’s like her father. And like me. She’s going to realize she’s far more different than I let her believe.

I don’t think Bucky realizes how insanely guilty I felt when I first had Talia. Bucky and I were paired off in some mad scientist’s experiments to combine two genetically modified super soldiers and the mental capabilities beyond anyone can comprehend. We were going to be forced to breed with each other to create this perfect weapon. Years later and after we both escape from that horrible place; I vowed to never create that weapon they want but as fate would have it, we fall in love and accidentally create that perfect weapon. Bucky doesn’t understand that I don’t want Talia to be tested or observed because then people are going to know what she is and what she’s capable of. There’s going to be records to Talia’s abilities and maybe one day those records will land in the wrong hands. Talia will end up spending the rest of her life running. And she’s going to blame me and Bucky. Just like I blamed my own mother for what’s happened to me. If she only listened to her family and didn’t run away with that boy. If only she hadn’t gotten addicted to drugs. If only she hadn’t taken up Dr. Cummings’ offer. _If only_.


	8. 1x1

Insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over again but expecting different results. Insanity indeed. Shuri had a whole battery of tests waiting for Talia this morning. Everything from telepathy and telekinesis to elemental and biological manipulation, all the way to educational abilities. Of course, she had some restrictions. Bruce tested her extensively before we came here. Talia wasn’t able to control the elements or anything biological. But what surprised me the most was her problem solving abilities. She only had to be shown how to do a mathematical equation once and she’d know exactly how to do it with perfect precision. Shuri wants us to do an escape room type of thing tomorrow. Maybe this wasn’t insanity after all.

Shuri didn’t want to do any of her testing in the labs, as to make Talia feel more comfortable. Shuri made games of all the tests she put Talia through and recorded her data that way. She also attached sticky pads to Talia’s head, chest, back, arms and legs to keep track of her brainwaves, heartrate, blood pressure and muscle movement.

First she had Talia play hide and seek with some of the kids from the farmlands, only she had to find them using her mind then she had to lead us to them after describing where they were in brief detail.

Then she had to draw a memory Shuri had. Talia drew a picture of Shuri, T’Challa, their mother and father in a boat fishing on a sunny day. I know from experience; this is one of Shuri’s most treasured memories of her family together from when she was a little girl.

Then Shuri had Talia recite the lyrics of a song one of the palace employees was thinking about. It was a Somali song with Somali lyrics. Talia’s never left the United States, how she was able to recite perfect Somali only proved further that she could get into people’s heads. A lot of the tests Bruce performed on her; Talia could’ve easily guessed the answers to. Maybe she’s really good at reading people. Not that I had my doubts about her abilities, she’s proved to me over and over again that she has them. But it’s proving to other people, that’s the tricky part.

Shuri then asked Talia to try and create a vision in T’Challa’s head. T’Challa was somewhere in the palace doing his job as King so he had no idea he was about to become the victim of his sister’s experiments. But Talia couldn’t do it. She said he was too far away but Shuri marked that down as an ability she didn’t have.

After that Shuri and Talia went outside to one of Wakanda’s more popular parks and played basketball. Only Talia wasn’t allowed to use her hands. She had to rely solely on her abilities to dribble the ball from one end of the court to the other then shoot the ball into the basket. Her accuracy needs some improvement, but she completed the task as Shuri asked.

When that was over and done with Shuri took us down to the river. She told Talia to stand with her feet in the water and try to create a big wave as tall as Bucky. Talia had a look of pure resolve on her face. But no matter how hard she tried; she couldn’t make even a small wave. Shuri asked Talia to move one of the boulders by the waterline. Again, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make it move even an inch. It was comforting to know my child had _some_ restrictions. She wasn’t this little human being who was able to do anything with her mind, bend reality at her will. That’d be a nightmare.

“Alright Talia, we’re going to play different games now,” Shuri told her as we walked into the open gym adjacent to the palace. Talia held Shuri’s hand as they walked side by side. Talia looked up at her, I could tell she was smiling. Even though the last few tests she was given haven’t been fruitful, she was still excited to play games with Shuri. In Talia’s other hand was the doll she hadn’t let go of all morning.

Bucky and I stood at the side of the gym, letting the two girls have their space. My attention was drawn to T’Challa walking into the gym wearing the black panther suit. Suddenly, I wanted to kick and scream at them. Shuri’s really putting my four year old daughter up against the Black Panther? What is she thinking? Bucky could barely fight of T’Challa a few years ago, what makes her think Talia stands the slightest chance?

That’s when Sam walked in wearing sweats and a tee shirt. Oh, so Shuri wants to put my daughter up against two grown men? Is she insane?! What the Hell is going on? What is she thinking is going to happen? Talia isn’t a fighter. I’ve taught her to use her words instead of her fists. She’s never been in a fight before in her life. What does Shuri have planned?

“Hello Natalia,” T’Challa greeted the little girl. Talia smiled up at him and waved. She looked at T’Challa’s suit and giggled.

“I like cats too,” She chirped up at him. Bucky snorted while I shook my head at her comment. Sam looked at Bucky and I wide eyed as if he was happy to know he wasn’t the only one to think this. It’s been seven years and he hasn’t forgotten his first interaction with T’Challa, and how he asked him if he liked cats. Luckily, T’Challa merely chuckled at what she said and nodded.

“Do you wanna play a game?” T’Challa asked curiously, kneeling down to be at eye level with the little girl. Talia put her hands behind her back, and she swayed her shoulders playfully with a cheeky smile.

“What kind of game?” She questioned. T’Challa shared a big smile with her and leaned forward slightly, creating some more excitement for the four year old.

“A race,” He replied. “–You, me and Sam will have a race. We’ll run around the gym ten times and whoever makes it to the finish line first wins,” He added with a smile. Talia raised an eyebrow and eyed up the two grown men curiously. Her cheeky smile turned into a gratified half smirk. The same one Bucky would wear sometimes. Talia inherited that from him along with countless other traits.

“What will they win?” She asked interestedly. T’Challa looked over at Sam cluelessly. Neither of them had a prize in mind for this experiment. I don’t think they thought Talia would think of asking for a prize either, she’d just be happy to play games with them. But like your average four year old from the Western world, Talia was prize oriented.

“A big bowl of Wakandan ice cream,” Shuri said on the spot after the two men puzzledly looked at each other. Talia turned and looked up at Shuri with a beaming smile.

“With hot fudge and whipped cream?” She curiously inquired.

“And sprinkles,” Shuri added, bending at her waist to be at eye level with Talia. Talia’s face lit up with excitement. She was just promised a bowl of some of the best ice cream I’ve ever had with hot fudge, whipped cream, and sprinkles if she won a race. That’s when a sinking feeling filled my stomach. Talia was just promised something she might not get. Not only will she not get the bowl of ice cream, but she’ll be humiliated by Sam and T’Challa during these experiments. Suddenly I wanted to scoop her up and take her home. I didn’t want her to go through this embarrassment.

“Okay! Let’s race,” Talia exclaimed happily. Talia happily skipped up to me, handing me the doll wordlessly before hopping and skipping back to the small group of people. Shuri instructed the three of them to start at the line on the ground and do ten laps around the gym. There was no way Talia was going to be able to run ten laps around this huge gym. They were setting her up to fail.

Before I could object to these experiments, Shuri sent them off to do their first lap. The two men began jogging at Talia’s pace while she was running as fast as she could. Unknowingly, I grabbed Bucky’s hand as I looked on.

“She’s going to do just fine,” I heard Bucky whisper to me. I pursed my lips and held my breath as I watched the two men slowly increase their speed, leaving Talia lagging behind ever so slightly.

“C’mon kid, pump those legs!” Sam bellowed at her excitedly, looking over his shoulder at her. Talia’s legs began to move faster as she caught up to the men’s slightly faster jog. Once they started their third lap they increased their speed some more. They were now in a fast jog. Talia got the hint that she needed to be faster and picked up the speed even more, surpassing the two men.

My eyebrows knitted together as I watched my daughter run ahead of two grown men who were in a fast jog. It appeared Talia wasn’t even trying either. Her face wasn’t getting red as she ran, and she didn’t look like she was getting tired. That’s when Sam went into a full sprint ahead of Talia and T’Challa.

“Let’s go Talia, we can’t let Sam win!” Bucky hollered from the sidelines, encouraging Talia like a regular father watching his child run a race. A look of pure determination shrouded Talia’s face, her eyes narrowed at Sam who was now far ahead of her. Her entire form changed. Her upper body straightened out instead of her typical forward lean, her shoulders fell back, and her head was up high. Effortlessly, Talia caught up to Sam and past him, taking the lead once more. Her tiny legs taking almost humanly impossible long strides as she ran, and they appeared to move at the speed of light.

“Oh my God,” Bucky said when T’Challa now increased his speed to surpass Sam and Talia. We both watched in utter disbelief as Talia once more increased her speed to catch up to T’Challa and run beside him. The pair completely leaving Sam in the dust. I don’t know who looked more surprised Bucky or T’Challa. Or it could be me. I was completely dumbfounded by the fact that my little girl was running along side the Black Panther who was running almost at full speed.

“I want that ice cream!” Talia’s tiny voice bellowed through the gym. Her little face was red with determination as she focused all her being on pushing herself even more. T’Challa was going to make Talia work for that ice cream, once again he increased his speed. Now he was running at full speed. And I mean, full speed as the Black Panther.

The three of them were coming up on their last lap. Bucky cheered Talia on encouragingly. I nervously stood aside and watched. I knew this was going to end badly. But maybe it won’t. Maybe T’Challa will slow down a bit to let Talia “win the race”. Shuri’s got the data she needs from this experiment, there’s no point in rubbing sand in a child’s eyes.

I damn near fell backward when I watched as Talia started to gain on T’Challa. He wasn’t slowing down either; she was getting faster. My four year old child is going to surpass the Black Panther running at full speed in a race. Maybe Bucky was right about testing Talia for the super soldier serum. It’s best we know exactly what she’s capable of. Seeing as it’s painfully obvious there’s traces of the serum in her just by judging from this experiment.

“Holy cow,” Bucky murmured. I nodded in agreement. The both of us witnessed from the sidelines, our very young daughter running faster than two full grown men who’re running at full speed.

Talia came skidding to a stop once she crossed the finish line, a few steps ahead of T’Challa. Her stop wasn’t all that graceful considering she crashed into the wall, bounced, and hit the floor. Despite knowing kids’ reactions and solely based on their parents’ reactions, I couldn’t help but scrunch my nose and squint as if I felt the pain of hitting the ground after running at full speed. Bucky shared the same reaction as he flinched. But Talia didn’t even notice us, bouncing back to her feet like nothing happened. That’s when the realization hit her. She just won the race. She threw her balled up fists up in the air and looked over at us proudly.

“I won the race! Mama, daddy, did you see that? I won!” She cheered happily, jumping in place. She looked over her shoulder at T’Challa, who was just as amazed as the rest of us. But there wasn’t something else on his face, concern. And I understood that concern.

Without even realizing it, Bucky went over to the little girl and scooped her up, hoisting her up on his shoulder with pride. He seemed to be just as happy as she was. I don’t think he realized what just happened and what this means.

“She’s really something.” I heard a female voice say. My head snapped into the direction it came from. In the doorway to the gym stood a girl. Tall, slender build, long dark brown curly hair and piercing blue eyes. She was one of the subjects. Who? I didn’t know. Zasha took over the operation when she came back a few weeks ago. I told her my priorities were somewhere else now. She understood.

This woman’s eyes never left the scene in front of her. She didn’t even acknowledge me. She stood leaned against the doorframe with her arms tied over her chest. Something about her caused my stomach to churn. I wasn’t sure why though.

“Yeah she is,” I agreed, never taking my eyes off her. “–Who are you?” I asked curiously. The woman’s piercing blue eyes shot to me. She gave me a side eyed glare before turning her head to my direction.

“My name is Ahlai. I’m Subject Six,” She introduced in a cold tone. Suddenly all the information Natasha gave me on her came flooding back to my mind. As well as all the information about Project Lumini. For each round of testing there was nine mothers who gave birth to nine little girls. For some strange reason, the experiments Dr. Cummings performed on the mothers only ended with girls being created. There is no boy to be born in Project Lumini. In the first round of testing, I was the only successful subject; hence Subject Zero. Even though Ahlai is older than Lada by nearly a decade, they’re both in Group B. Because they’re the second subject. Lada is Subject Nine but she’s the second Subject Nine. Much like Ahlai is the second Subject Six despite her being closer to my age. The mother who had the first Subject Six miscarried and was discarded of.

There hasn’t been an entire group of subjects who’ve been successful, so you’ll have girls who are much older in the same group as girls who are in their early teens. And I don’t know exactly how many groups there are. From what I’ve heard Doreen helped at least fifty girls escape that night. That’s fifty successful subjects loose in the world. It’s doubtful they have proper training. They’re out there on their own doing God knows what, God knows how.

“You must be the famous Subject Zero.” Ahlai’s voice broke my train of thought and memory. I blinked at her a few times then shook my head slightly.

“Elena. My name is Elena,” I told her in a friendly way. Ahlai nodded her head casually then went back to looking at Talia. My gut twisted even more. I wasn’t sure why I had such a bad feeling about her. She was my sister. T’Challa wouldn’t’ve allowed her into Wakanda if she wasn’t trustworthy.

“She seems a little young to be a part of Project Lumini,” Ahlai said, nodding her head in Talia’s direction. I looked over at Talia. She was now having a go at a punching bag, hitting it hard enough to sway the heavy bag. I heard Bucky sparring her on, telling her to hit harder. And that she did. She pulled a Steve and hit the bag so hard it went flying across the gym floor.

I pursed my lips and turned back to Ahlai.

“She’s not from Project Lumini. That’s my daughter, Talia,” I replied honestly. Ahlai smiled, letting out a lively chuckle. She appeared to be bewildered by this revelation. Like she wasn’t expecting that answer.

“So that must mean, he’s baby daddy,” She alleged, nodding in Bucky’s direction. He was now dragging the limp punching bag across the gym floor while Shuri did something on her tablet. I laughed lightly and bobbed my head in agreement.

“Yep, that he is,” I said. Ahlai’s face dropped into something semi serious from it’s liveliness. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“And you both are super soldiers?” She asked curiously. My stomach knotted and my heart skipped a whole bunch of beats. It’s been seven years since I found out I was a super soldier, but I can’t get used to the idea. I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with the idea of being a super soldier. Or the fact that my daughter is clearly one too.

“Yeah,” I muttered, diverting my gaze to the floor between us.

“So that means Talia is a super soldier,” Ahlai stated boldly. My eyes jerked back up to meet hers. Ahlai wasn’t even looking at me. She had absolutely no interest in me besides our conversation. This unsettled me. What unsettled me even more was her statement. I’m not sure if it’s because of the feeling I was getting from her or the fact that I didn’t want to believe Talia was a super soldier.

“It appears so,” I answered her rhetorical question reluctantly. Ahlai’s eyes never left Talia. I could see something in her eyes, gears and cogs were turning. It appeared she was studying Talia with strong intent.

“Does she have abilities?” Ahlai questioned further. I had enough of this conversation. My gut was telling me to keep my daughter far away from Ahlai for some reason or another. I’m going to listen to it.

“I don’t appreciate a total stranger asking such personal questions about my daughter. I think it’s time for you to leave us alone,” I told her in a stern tone of voice. Ahlai looked over at me for a moment. She never left her causal position leaning against the doorframe. I guess she saw I meant business and threw her hands up in the air as she turned around, leaving the gym. I stared coldly at her through the window, watching as she walked to the front of the palace. She disappeared somewhere in the narrow corridor leading from the palace to the main city.

I didn’t know what it was about her that set alarm bells off in my head, but I didn’t like her at all. I didn’t like how she looked at Talia. Like she was studying her every move, sizing her up. I’m going to have to talk to Zasha and T’Challa about this. It was wildly inappropriate.


	9. Unusually the Same

“I’m sure it was nothing,” Bucky reasoned as he sat down at the table in the spacious kitchenette in the palace. I just finished recounting to him what happened in the gym and how it’s put me in a bad mood. I looked over the island at him and shook my head. Talia had a mouth full of green beans as she looked between her father and me. She had no idea what we were talking about.

“You weren’t there Buck. You didn’t see how she was looking at Talia,” I retorted mulishly. It’s been hours since the incident in the gym and I can’t get over it. I stewed over it for the rest of the afternoon, even after Shuri concluded her testing and we went to waterfall to relax.

“I think you’re just being protective,” Bucky concluded.

“I think you’re just being paranoid,” Sam piped up, earning a deathly glare from me.

“Maybe I am. Or maybe I’m right and something’s wrong with that girl. Either way, I don’t want her around Talia. So, if you see her around walk in the opposite direction,” I instructed the two men sternly.

“Keep an eye out for a girl who looks exactly like you in a place where there’s at least five other girls who look exactly like you. Got it,” Buck muttered. This time it was his turn to get the death glare.

“James Buchanan Barnes, I’m being serious. Keep Talia away from her,” I snarled through my teeth. Both Bucky and Sam gave me looks of surprise then nodded their heads in understanding.

“Don’t worry mama! I’ll stay away from all girls who look like you,” Talia chirped happily through a cheerful smile. I huffed a heavy breath and smiled back at her.

“That’s my girl. Now if that lady approaches you if no one’s around I want you to scream as loud as you can,” I instructed her in a mothering tone that reminded me of the one Nat used on me when I was a teenager. Talia nodded her head and gave me a thumbs up as she shovelled in another mouth full of her dinner.

“Ms. Dalca.” I heard my name being said. I turned to look at the doorway into the kitchenette, there was one of the palace guards standing there.

“Ms. Zasha and Ms. Danica are here to see you,” She added before stepping out of the doorway, letting the two girls in. I put on a fake smile for my two sisters. It still trips me out to know that they’re back. Hell, it trips me out to know that we’re sister by blood. The two young women waltzed in, both of them looked better today than the day I found them.

“Talia, aunty Danica is here to see you,” I told the little girl. Talia immediately hopped out of her chair and ran over to us, grabbing Danica by the hand and dragging her away into the other room where Talia had set up some of her toys to play with before dinner. I told her that aunty Danica wanted to talk to her about something tonight after dinner, so Talia’s been impatiently waiting to spend some quality time with her aunt.

“I’ll go with them,” Sam said as he got up from the table and followed the two girls. Zasha and I looked away from Sam, who was exiting the room, and back at each other. She looked curious as to why I called her to come and talk. I didn’t tell her anything about what happened today in the gym. The only people who knew of my concerns were Bucky and Sam. T’Challa was next on my list of people to inform but I’ll leave that for the morning, once he’s finished licking his wounds from being bested by a four year old.

“Hey El, what’s up? You wanted to talk to me?” Zasha asked, standing at the end of the island.

“I need to talk to you about Ahlai,” I informed her morosely. Zasha’s upbeat expression dropped instantly.

“Sit. I’ll make you some coffee,” I instructed Zasha to sit down and I’ll get everyone a cup of coffee because it’s going to be a long chat that needed caffeine to get through. The entire time my hands shook for some odd reason. I wasn’t scared or angry, or even nervous. But my hands still shook all the same.

“What did Ahlai do?” Zasha finally asked after a long pause. I set the trey of coffees down onto the table and sat down. I looked over at Bucky briefly before glancing back at my sister.

“Today when Shuri was testing Talia Ahlai was watching her. She then asked me a bunch of questions about Talia. She wanted to know if Talia was a part of Project Lumini. If she was a super soldier and if she had abilities. She was so invested in knowing as much about Talia as possible. She gave me a bad feeling,” I enlightened Zasha about the situation that happened earlier and how I got a bad feeling from it all. Zasha’s eyebrows fell together confusedly and she tilted her head slightly. 

“So, let me get this straight. She was just watching you guys and then asked a bunch of personal questions about Talia?” Zasha clarified over her cup of coffee. I let out a heavy exhale and rubbed my temples. Hearing it put like that made me sound like a crazy person.

“I know what I felt, Zasha. The girl isn’t normal,” I stated stubbornly.

“Ahlai’s been on the run since she left Russia in 2011. The girl’s been on her own for over ten years. And before that Doreen didn’t let us have contact with the outside world. The only people we interacted with were each other before we ran away or Doreen kicked us out, and even then we didn’t have much contact with people. Maybe you mistook her intentions. Or maybe she doesn’t know how to properly interact with another person,” Zasha explained logically. But that didn’t ease my mind. It didn’t ease the queasy feeling I got when I thought about how she looked at Talia.

“Zasha, I’m not crazy. She gave me a bad feeling. The way she looked at Talia wasn’t normal,” I protested, slapping my hands onto the tabletop. Zasha pursed her lips at me and frowned. The entire room went quiet. I felt Bucky’s strong hand on my thigh, letting me know it was alright. But it wasn’t alright. Something was wrong. I didn’t know what it was. And that scared me more.

“You need to tell me more about this girl. Where and when did you find her? What state was she in? What kind of history does she have?”

“El,” Bucky began. I looked over at him and shook my head.

“No, Bucky. I want to know. How did she know who I was?” I asked question after question about Ahlai. I wanted to know everything about her and where she came from. Zasha must’ve gotten the hint that I wasn’t going to give up on this. She sighed and adjusted in her seat, leaning forward on her arms on the table. Her peacock blue eyes found mine tiredly.

“I didn’t actually find her. She showed up here a few days ago, she said she got word from a street informant that we’re recruiting girls from Project Lumini. She seemed to be of sound mind, has complete control of her abilities. As for her history, Ahlai was a blackmailer in the Middle East and Western Europe for the better part of ten years. Even though she bounced around a lot she has a home in Northern Russia, she pays Doreen’s bills for her and even donates to charities for children. Ahlai is your regular rags to riches sob story, minus the blackmail,” Zasha told me sullenly. My stomach churned as she recounted the story to me. Something was off. I didn’t know what, but something wasn’t right.

“How did she know who I was?” I questioned sternly.

“We all knew who you were El. You’re famous amongst these girls. A living legend. All of us aspired to be exactly like you in hopes we’d be treated like royalty too. A few of the girls pushed their abilities too far and they broke their minds,” Zasha said determinedly. I merely stared at her blankly. I was famous amongst those girls? They all knew who I was? What? I’m nobody. I’m just Elena. To know they wanted to be like me so badly they pushed their minds too far broke my heart. And it boggled my mind. But that’s when a light bulb went off over my head.

“She knew I’m a super soldier. How does she know I’m a super soldier?” Okay, now I was sounding like a crazy person. But maybe I wasn’t crazy since Zasha didn’t answer me. She only sat back in her chair, staring at me confusedly.

Once again the room fell silent. My question provoked us all to think of possible ideas as to how Ahlai knew I was a super soldier. The girls didn’t even know I was a super soldier, this is how I broke the news to Zasha. So, the possibility that one of them could be thinking that I’m a super soldier and Ahlai overheard that was out of the question. And T’Challa and Shuri both haven’t gotten the chance to meet her yet. T’Challa’s been busy with running a kingdom and Shuri’s been busy preparing to perform these tests on Talia. I’m sure if Ahlai stayed a little while longer she would’ve formerly been introduced to T’Challa and Shuri.

“ _Well_.” Danica’s voice broke the silence as she came sauntering into the kitchen area from the living area where she and Talia sat and talked and played. Sam was hot on her heels, supervising their little session. All three of us looked up at her. I’m sure I had hope gleaming in my eyes. I felt hopeful that Talia merely overheard that phrase from Steve and just randomly repeated it.

“It was a vision.” That news broke my heart into pieces. What did Talia see that incited her to repeat the phrase that haunted both of her parents?

“What did she see?” Bucky asked the question that was on my mind. Danica clasper her hands together in front of her and bit her lip slightly.

“That’s the tricky part,” She began honestly. “–I don’t know if she saw a vision of the future or of the past. I was unable to see anything but from what Talia said, she saw a little girl being tortured. She said the little girl looked like us and her name was Subject Zero.” If you were to hold my chest up to your ear, you’d hear my heart breaking into millions of pieces. I couldn’t believe what I was being told.

Danica looked at me directly and frowned sadly.

“I’m sorry El. I think she saw what happened to you when you were with…” She trailed off suggestively. I felt tears form in my eyes as the idea that not only has she seen what’s happened to her father, but she’s seen what’s happened to me too. I’ve done everything I can to keep her safe from my past and she still sees the things I’ve been through. How she doesn’t have nightmares is beyond me.

“Is she…” I choked out as the tears rolled down my face. “–Is she okay? Does she have any questions for me?” I requested through tears. Bucky’s hand went from my thigh to rub my back gingerly. Danica looked from me to Zasha briefly then back to me.

“She appears to be okay. I’m gonna try and revisit this vision she had, try to figure it out some more. But I’m sure she just saw a glimpse of the past so there’s no threat,” Danica replied, trying to ease my mind. And it did, a little bit. Knowing there was no danger brought some peace to me. In a few days we can travel back home and carry on with life as if nothing happened. We can go back to our safe little bubble.

“Mama, daddy.” Talia’s small voice filled the room. Both Bucky and I looked over at the little girl hovering in the threshold between the kitchen and living room. I wiped away my tears and tried to pull myself together. Once she had our attention she came wandering into the kitchen and stood between us.

“Can I have my sundae now please?” She murmured politely. I sniffled and nodded.

“Yes of course you can,” I said as I stood up from the table. I went to the freezer where Shuri had put a triple scoop of Wakandan ice cream, made from fresh cow’s milk and root sugar rather than cane sugar. As well as some of the freshest vanilla I’ve ever tasted in my life. It was made this afternoon, so it was incredibly fresh ice cream. Wakandan ice cream is something between soft serve and frozen solid and it’s always made the same day it’s eaten. Once Talia has this she’s never going to be able to eat the regular store bought stuff ever again.

That thought made me smile as I put together the ice cream sundae. Talia won a lot of prizes today for beating T’Challa in those tests. She was even promised to go to Disney World with us and Shuri in a few weeks if she could fend off T’Challa’s attacks. They were only semi serious attacks, but Talia was able to adapt to his fighting style and fend him off. She was also promised any toy she wanted if she could run on the treadmill for as long as she could. Talia made the comment that these prizes were much better than the cookies Bruce gave her when she did a task.

But this only upset me further. I didn’t want Talia thinking she’s going to get all these things just because she’s different, because she can do things normal kids can’t. I didn’t want her to believe that if she fended off an attack she’d get a prize. Or if she used her abilities she’d get a treat. That’s not what I want her to be taking away from this experience. I don’t even know what I want her to be taking away from this experience. All I know is that I don’t want her to think that just because she’s different she gets special treatment. I just want to go back to our little apartment in Brooklyn so we can carry on with our lives without the testing and observing. I wanted Talia to grow up like a normal little girl. I want her to have everything I didn’t have growing up.

Seeing her sitting at the table, on Bucky’s lap with her ice cream sundae in front of her. Her eyes beaming with happiness as she devoured her dessert greedily. It brought some ease to me. Right in this moment she was a normal little girl. I didn’t hear a word being said and I didn’t care. My attention was solely on my daughter. She smiled at me proudly, fudge and ice cream lining her lips. One way or another, my Talia is going to grow up like a normal child. I cross my heart and hope to die.


	10. The Eventual Inevitable.

The blisteringly cold wind whipped around me, blowing the sharp snowflakes against my exposed skin. I could feel my hair whipping around in the wind, hitting my face like tiny knives. I opened my eyes slowly, taking in the dull grey scenery around me. The almost black mountains covered in snow contrasted against the greyness of the sky. My eyebrows furrowed together as I looked down to see I was wearing an all black outfit. A blank tank top and form fitting tactical pants. I wore no shoes or socks, so my bare feet were buried in the ankle deep snow.

I turned to face the large metal door with the Hydra insignia printed in red on it. I let out a heavy puff of air, annoyed that I was back here once again. Aggravatedly, my eyebrows drew together. I haven’t dreamed of this place in seven years and now all of a sudden I dream about it two nights in a row. What is my subconscious trying to tell me?

“What am I doing here?!” I screamed at the door. “–Huh? Why am I here?!” I continued to shout at the door in sheer frustration. I didn’t understand why I was here. I haven’t been to this place in seven years. Not since what happened with Tony. I don’t even think about this place anymore. I can’t afford to go down that road. Not with Talia here with me now. But clearly I had some unresolved issues with this place seeing as I keep dreaming about it.

This time, I didn’t flinch when the metal door opened, revealing the ominous inside. I stared at the lit inside resentfully. I took a deep breath, figuring the only way this dream will end is if I go inside. So, I went inside. The large door closed behind me as I hovered in the entrance, not wanting to go any further. That feeling that something bad was going to happen hit me like a mac truck on the highway. But I steadied my resolve and pressed forward, walking down the long hallways that held no good memories for me.

I had this entire place memorized, like the back of my hand. I’ve walked these halls a thousand times. I have memories of each room. Memories flashed inside my mind, like some kind of sick and twisted recap of my life.

I mindlessly stopped outside an open door. The feeling of homesickness overcame me as I peered into the dimly lit room. In one corner was an old, stained cot with no bedding or pillows, across the room along the wall was a desk with nothing on it. This was my room. Then the memories of the compound in Northern Russia flashed before my mind.

_The door to my cold, damp room opened, letting light from the hallway pour in with no hesitation. I didn’t bother lifting my aching head off the pillow on the cot; I merely glanced at the doorway to see Dr. Cummings standing there with two guards on either side of him, a clipboard tucked into his chest and a knowing grin twisting his face into something I’ve come to know very well._

_“Zero,” Dr. Cummings said my name drawn out, as if he were telling me to get up. I followed his unsaid command and tossed the itchy fleece blanket off me and sat up, my feet touching the cold water that dampened the concrete floor of my room. The feeling was like an icy hug wrapping around my legs and foiling into my belly and chest. I stepped towards the opening to my room in clothes I’ve been wearing for . . . –I don’t know, how many days has it been since Monday? The hems of my pants legs were wet and coated in dirt as they were pressed under my heels against the floor and the long-sleeved shirt that once was white was now grey with splatters of red and black._

_“We have a mission for you, Zero. Are you ready to comply?” Dr. Cummings’ bushy grey eyebrows jerked up as he looked down his nose at me. I swallowed down hard, my throat was dry, and I nodded in agreement. I have no choice but to comply with everything Dr. Cummings wants me to do, or he’ll put me in the tank until I do; either way my brain is throbbing by the end._

_“Good girl,” He purred at me, stroking the back of his hand along the long dark hair that hung down in my face. He then turned on his heel, leading the way down the cold damp hallway. The two guards walked on either side of me to make sure I don’t do anything funny. It was a long walk from my room to the testing/observation room. It felt like we had walked for hours by the time we got to the room. The testing/observation room was enormous; one time I moved a freight car clear across the room with there being room to spare. There were mats on the walls and sometimes it’d be set up like how the compound is set up and I’d have to find people hiding. Other times Dr. Cummings had me hurt people in here while other people watched. He told me the people I was hurting were bad people, so it was okay._

_“Now, Zero, we’ll have an audience this time. If they like what you can do, they’ll give you more work to do, very important work to be done,” He said to me once we got to the door leading into the room. Dr. Cummings’ eyes sparkled with joy; the only other time I’d seen them do that was when I moved the freight car. I liked seeing his eyes sparkle, it meant if I did good, he’d reward me. The last time I got a reward was for something called a birthday, I don’t get birthdays too often, maybe once in a while but the last one I got he said I was ten now and I’d be going into the world very soon. It confused me, I thought I was Zero not ten. Dr. Cummings laughed and said my name was Zero and I was ten years old. I didn’t know what that meant, but he brought me something called cake to eat before bed, so I didn’t care._

_“Be a good girl and don’t disappoint me,” He lulled before the door opened and he led the way into the enormous room. The room was almost empty, a chair sitting in the middle of the room and a table with various things on it a few feet away. Dr. Cummings instructed me to sit in the chair, I did so. My gaze ran up to the small group of men in the observation booth that overlooked the room._

I sucked in a brave breath and shook my head sadly. I had to keep going or I won’t wake up. I just have to find Talia and I can wake up. I continued down the corridor of memories, trying to pay no mind to the flashes that buzzed through my mind. I wasn’t here to remember. I was here for something else. I don’t know what but it’s not to remember the past.

I stopped outside of the caged area, furniture and papers were thrown all over the place. Dark reddish brown stains coated the floors. My heart sank at the memory that flashed before my mind. The memory of the first interaction I had with Bucky, way back in the day. Actually, it was my first interaction with the Winter Soldier, not Bucky. It was when they were testing the other super soldiers, forcing Bucky to fight them. And then all Hell broke loose in there. I don’t remember much else besides Bucky hoisting me up against the wall by my throat then falling flat on my ass.

_"Zero! Come!" Arlo shouted at me; his voice stung my ears, but I followed orders without question. I couldn't take my eyes off the scene in front of me as I turned on my heel to follow Arlo to wherever he was taking me next. It happened so fast, my face met a leathery wall and the next thing I know my body is trying to gasp for air, but the air wasn't coming. My back was flush against the concrete wall and my feet couldn't find the floor. Tears distorted my vision, but I could make out a face. Dark hair that was long, a pale face; but what stood out to me the most were those blue eyes. I knew those blue eyes. I've seen them before. The memory was foggy, but I could remember them looking at me, not like they're looking at me now, they were softer._

_I pawed at his wrist, his hand was clamped around my neck, hoisting me up against the wall. I scratched and mauled but the feeling under my fingertips didn't feel like skin, it felt like metal. His silver arm was metal? What happened to his arm?_

_"Soldat, release her now," Said the man Soldat took out of the chaos in that room. His hand droned as I fell to the ground, landing on my backside. My hand immediately found the soreness in my throat, rubbing it soothingly as I looked up at the dark-haired man with blurry eyes. Soldat glared down at me as he stepped away. I hadn't realized it until I caught my breath, but I was shaking uncontrollably. I didn't understand why he attacked me. Why did he do that to me?_

I watched as the empty room became busy with life once more. Scientists and soldiers lined the walls, watching something happening in the middle. My stomach churned and my heart froze inside my chest, causing all the blood in my veins to run ice cold. Before my eyes, the vision of a fight formed. A faceless grown man was trying to fight off a smaller girl. Her curly dark brown hair was pulled back into a high bun. I couldn’t see her face, but I could see her outfit; she wore a black tank top with black tactical pants and army boots. Sadness overcame me when I saw the bright red star on her left shoulder. The ink looked new.

Mindlessly, I touched my left shoulder.

Despite being much smaller than the man, she was kicking his ass. She didn’t appear very strong, but she was. She was also very smart with her fighting. It was as though she was reading his mind. I probably was. Wait, _I_ probably was? Does that mean that small girl in that room is me? It makes sense. Maybe these dreams aren’t trying to tell me something, maybe they’re just memories. No. That didn’t sit right with me. None of that sat right with me.

I couldn’t help but stand there and watch the fight in front of me. The little girl took a power stance. She pulled her arm back with her hand open. She launched it forward, landing the ball of her hand square in his chest. Loud cracking noises filled the room as he fell backward onto the floor, gasping for breath. The young girl stood upright with her arms at her sides as the scientists and soldiers applauded her.

“Good work Zero,” Said a man I didn’t recognize as he approached her. My brows knitted together confusedly, and I took a step forward, trying to get a better look at the little girl. He just called her Zero. I’m Zero. Was that me? No, it can’t be. I wasn’t this small when I was with Hydra. I was much bigger. Who is this girl?

All the air fled my body when the young girl turned around. My blood ran cold. Standing there was Talia. She was looking directly at me, but she seemed to be the only one who saw me. All the life was gone from her eyes. Even though that little girl was Talia, she wasn’t _my_ Talia.

“Talia?” I whimpered airily. My legs buckled under me and I sank down onto my knees. I stared at Talia in wide eyed horror. Talia blankly looked at me, expressionlessly. She shook her head slightly.

“It’s too late. Talia’s gone.”

My entire body jumped upright, and my eyes flew open. I found myself sitting in the bed in Wakanda. The room was completely dark. The window was open, letting the warm breeze flow into the room.

I switched on the bedside light, earning Bucky to grumble incoherently as he turned over. My entire body shook violently. It was coated with a thick layer of cold sweat. Even the bedding surrounding me was soaked with sweat. My heart felt like it was beating a million miles an hour. My mind laser focused on one thing: Talia. Something happened to Talia. I didn’t know what, but I knew something happened or was going to happen.

My instincts kicked into overdrive. I jumped up onto the bed, bounding across it before leaping across the room to the door that led to Talia’s room. I could hear Bucky call out for me, now fully awake after I ran over him. I flew into Talia’s room and switched on the light. My heart stopped at the sight of an empty bed. Her bedsheets were thrown across the bed, signifying she had gotten up or got too warm.

Without hesitation I ran to the bathroom, silently hoping she was in there. But the bathroom was empty.

“El, what’re you doing?” Bucky asked from somewhere behind me. Panic started to take over as I frantically searched the room, checking the closet and under the bed. I looked up to see Bucky in the doorway to Talia’s room.

“She’s gone,” I told him with sheer panic and fear in my voice. Bucky’s sleepy expression shifted to that of panic and fear. He bolted into our room, I followed him closely. I guess somewhere inside me I was hoping her knew where she was, and he was going to tell me it was alright. But the urgency in his movements told me otherwise. Bucky was pulling up a pair of sweatpants as he jumped to the door.

“I’ll go see if she’s with Sam. You check the kitchen,” He instructed, halfway out the door. I nodded and bolted out of the room and down the hall. Bucky went the opposite direction towards Sam’s room. Again, I was hoping Talia was with him, or in the kitchen getting a glass of water or something to eat. This is every parent’s worst nightmare become reality. Waking in the middle of the night to find your child’s bed empty. Talia knew better than to wander around the palace by herself, or at night. Unless she was thirsty or for some strange reason she went to see Sam.

I rushed into the dark kitchen, flipping on the light. My eyebrows fell together when I saw a glass on the counter; it was half full of water. A chair was taken from the table and pushed against the counter by the sink.

“Talia,” I whispered to myself, going over to the island where the glass was. I looked around the kitchenette frantically, trying to search for Talia, or any signs that she was in here. But besides the obvious signs, there was nothing else. Talia was here but she wasn’t anymore.

“She’s not with Sam,” Bucky told me as he came into the kitchenette. Sam jogged in behind Bucky. Both of them looked extremely concerned.

“She’s not in here either,” I said. My voice was full of worry. I went to walk over to Bucky, but my attention was stolen when I felt something hit my foot. I looked down to see the dark haired rag doll by my feet. My eyebrows furrowed as I bent down to pick up the doll. I damn near fell backward when the tidal wave of emotions rushed me, radiating off the doll. The feeling of extreme fear, sadness and confusion hit me square in the chest. I could see a scene play out in my mind. It’d been imprinted onto the doll. It was Talia’s memory.

I saw her lying in her bed with the doll tucked under her arm, she was wide awake and staring at the ceiling. After a moment, she threw the blankets off of herself and climbed out of bed. With the doll in her clutches, she marched through the dark room and stopped at Bucky’s bedside. She waited a moment then poked his cheek. Bucky groaned, swatting Talia’s hand away.

“Daddy, can I have some water?” Talia whispered softly. Bucky’s eyebrows jetted upward, and he nodded.

“Yeah, go get some water,” He mumbled sleepily. I wanted to smack Bucky for not getting his ass out of bed to get her a glass of water. Instead, he told her to get one on her own. She’s four years old! Either way, Talia shrugged her shoulders then wandered to the door. Quietly, she opened the door and left the room. I watched as she sleepily walked down the hallway to the kitchenette. She didn’t turn on the light so she could see. She put her doll down on the island counter before going to the table and getting a chair. She struggled to carry the chair over to the counter. Talia climbed the chair then onto the counter, opened a cupboard to get a glass and climbed back down. She carried the chair over to the island counter where the sink was, went and got the glass once again then went back to the island. She climbed back onto the chair and turned on the kitchen tap and filled the cup with water.

Talia greedily drank some water but then she stopped. I could feel what she was feeling. She felt all the hair on the back of her neck stand up, and like she was being watched. Talia set the glass down, staring off into the darkness. My blood ran cold when I saw a black figure move swiftly to behind Talia. I wanted to lunge forward but I was stuck in place, having to watch as this figure wrapped their arms around Talia. One of their arms went around her upper arms and chest while the other covered her mouth and nose with a rag.

“If you scream, mommy and daddy die,” The figure whispered into Talia’s ear. Her entire body was ridged as she struggled against the figure’s hold. Talia’s muffled cries filled the room and she panted heavily against the rag. I saw tears stream down her reddened face. She fought as hard as she could against the figure, knocking the doll down onto the floor.

But slowly Talia’s fight became weaker until she fell limp against the black figure. They grabbed a hold of Talia, turning her around and hoisting her up so she was leaned against them. The figure then carried Talia out of the kitchen. My stomach dropped when I saw the familiar red tattoo on their left shoulder. A red star.

That’s when the memory ended, and I was thrown back into reality. I found myself standing there in the middle of the kitchenette with the doll in hand, tears flowing down my face as I stared wide eyed off into the middle distance. Once my vision came back into focus I saw Bucky standing directly in front of me. One hand on either of my shoulders as he examined me.

“El? El? What’s wrong?” Bucky asked with concern in his voice. I felt my lower lip tremble uncontrollably as my worst nightmare was coming true.

“Hydra has Talia.”


	11. Solidarity

_4½ years earlier…_

There was a weird feeling in the air. It’s been six months since Thanos snapped half the universe out of existence. The holidays didn’t feel the same, but people still tried to carry on the holly jolly feeling for the sake of the little kids still here. It just didn’t feel the same.

Steve insisted that I come live with him in Brooklyn; he wanted to be close to me and Bucky’s baby. He also wanted to make sure I was taking proper care of myself. I guess when I first arrived in New York I was looking kind of rough and he got worried. So, he made room in his apartment for two new people. He’s done everything Bucky should be doing. Getting the nursery ready, making sure I eat properly, worrying about every little symptom I experience. Steve doesn’t know exactly how grateful I am to have him in my life. I’d be completely lost without him. So far, motherhood hasn’t come naturally to me and I’m struggling. Mainly struggling to come to terms with every that’s happened and now my new responsibilities. I can’t just lay in my bed all day and mope around, like I want to.

My eyes peeled open when there was a knock on my door. The blue-grey sky outside bleakly lit my room, casting shadows all around me. The digital clock on my nightstand read ‘ _6:30a.m._ ’. Despite going to bed at nine o’clock last night, getting up numerous times to go to the bathroom and the baby keeping me up with rapid movement, I didn’t get much sleep.

I heard my bedroom door creak open.

“El?” Steve’s voice was quiet but loud enough it brought me further out of drowsiness. I twisted around to face him. Steve looked like he’d been awake for a while now, he was already dressed and ready for the day.

“Your appointment is at 8:30,” He reminded gently. I twisted back around and groaned, burying my face in one of the many pillows on my bed. I didn’t want to get up just yet. I wanted to try and sleep some more.

“C’mon El. We’re gonna find out if you’re having a girl or boy today,” Steve added. I let out a heavy sigh before unburying my face and try to wiggle my way to the edge of the bed so I can get my feet under me. Getting out of bed has become incredibly difficult. The depression I’ve experiencing doesn’t help any either but the ever growing bump is the main reason why getting out of bed is hard. Super soldier or not, it takes a lot out of you.

“Alright, alright. I’m up,” I told Steve as I sat on the edge of my bed. I could almost see the amused expression on Steve’s face after witnessing me trying to get out of bed.

“I’ll get some breakfast started,” He said, leaving the doorway of my room hastily. Probably before I saw the amused look on his face and got mad at him. His statement triggered my stomach to rumble. Before I got pregnant I rarely ate breakfast and now when I wake up in the mornings, I’m starving. And I’m usually craving BBQ or something sweet. But it’s usually BBQ, and I’m not taking like no name BBQ, it has to be Pringles BBQ flavoured. It drives Steve nuts. It drives me nuts to be fair.

Mindlessly, I placed my hand over the bump in my tee shirt. I looked down at it and smiled weakly. Even though I’m going through Hell right now, I’m excited. I couldn’t wait to meet my baby. Every time I hear their heartbeat I’m reminded of the love I had with Bucky and how pure it was. Every time I see them on that ultrasound screen I get excited. I wonder if this is how my own mother felt when she was having me. I like to hope so. But knowing her history, the ideal daydream about my mother being a soccer mom is less than likely.

I let out another sigh as I stared at the blue-grey outside world, reminiscing the past with fondness. With some difficulty, I bent over and put on my slippers. I got up off my bed and grabbed my housecoat, sliding it on over the oversized tee shirt and baggy grey sweatpants.

My ears perked up when I heard a knock on the front door. I’m sure Steve would get it. I wasn’t sure who’d be here at 6:30 in the morning but I didn’t care who it was. All I cared about was sleep and food. It’s a simple life being pregnant. Okay, that’s a bold faced lie. Being pregnant is very complicated. But right now, it’s simple. Food and sleep.

I didn’t even bother trying to close my housecoat, leaving it wide open to show off the oversized graphic tee shirt. I left my room and went down the small hallway.

“Hey Steve, who’s at the door?” I asked as I came into the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks when I looked up at see who was at the door. My heart stopped and all the blood in my veins ran cold. Dread overtook me. In the doorway to the apartment stood the red haired ex-assassin. Her gaze moved from Steve to me then back to Steve. A look of astonishment masked her face which was quickly replaced with a look that said, ‘are you kidding me?’.

Natasha pushed her way into the apartment and came over to me, looking me up and down a few times. As if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She then looked over at Steve with a furious expression.

“Explain. _Now_ ,” She demanded. Nat was probably getting the wrong idea. The last she saw of me was six months ago in Wakanda. After the snap she came straight back to New York to help with a search and recovery mission to figure out who all was snapped out of existence. That was the last time she saw or heard from me. And now all of a sudden she comes here, probably to see Steve for some reason or another and finds me living with him, heavily pregnant.

“I’m pregnant,” I announced in a mousey voice, giving her a nervous smile. Nat’s attention went back to me, looking me up and down once again.

“Clearly,” She snapped. I felt the smile fade away as I looked over at Steve. My heart was breaking inside my chest as the gravity of my situation came to play. I didn’t want to face the truth but there was no choice. I had to realize I’m a single mother to a child who may have abilities beyond my comprehension. I couldn’t help but hang my head in sadness.

“Bucky’s the father,” Steve announced, dropping the truth bomb on her with some hesitation. My head snapped up immediately. Nat went from glaring at Steve to softly looking at me. An appearance of sympathy washed over her paled face. She looked down at my pregnant belly and frowned.

“I’ve been looking for you for the past four months. Have you been here the entire time?” Natasha asked in a gentle way. I nodded my head and frowned. I hated knowing she’s been looking for me for so long and I’ve been right under her nose the entire time. She’s probably asked Steve about my whereabouts and he’s lied to her. He’s lied to her for me.

“I came here as soon as I found out five months ago. I asked Steve to keep this between us. I made him swear not to tell anyone about where I am or what’s going on with me. I didn’t want to dwell on the fact that this baby will never meet their father because we failed our mission. Steve’s letting us stay here for as long as we need. I thought it was only fair that since his best friend is the father, he should be a part of the baby’s life as a close substitute, ” I explained, my voice was small. I couldn’t bring myself to say it any louder.

“When were you going to tell me?” Nat question, stabbing a dagger through my heart. I swallowed hard and shrugged my shoulder.

“Far enough along so nothing could happen to the baby. I didn’t want you to try and make me get rid of it,”

“–Get rid of it?” Natasha snapped again. “–Elena, I would never. This is your baby, your body and your choice,” Nat added in a far gentled way. This caused me to look up at her with tears in my eyes. Pregnancy hormones was something that was rampant since a few weeks ago. My emotions are all over the place. And since my abilities are governed by my emotions, my abilities are all over the place along with my emotions. I can barely control them most days. Poor Steve has to deal with all your usual pregnancy symptoms as well as my unhinged abilities.

“I’d never talk you into getting rid of your baby. I don’t think I’d be able to even if I tried. Once you have your mind made up about something, it’s hard to sway you. But I’m not,” She uttered. Natasha took a step towards me, causing me to take a step back in paranoia. Nat lifted her hands, reaching for my belly with a gentle and trustworthy look in her bright eyes. I took a deep breath as she took a step towards me again, her hands cupping around the bump in my shirt tenderly.

“Wait, is this about Project Istoki?” She questioned in a concerned tone. I nodded again. It would be a lie if I said this wasn’t my reasoning to hide this from people. Nobody else knew about my pregnancy, no one in Wakanda, none of the remaining Avengers, no one. Tony doesn’t know. Nat now knows. The only person I willingly told was Steve. And even that was because my arm was twisted.

“I was scared that if anybody else found out about this baby they’d try to convince me to get rid of it. You and Tony were so hellbent on making sure Bucky and I stayed a part; I was afraid that you’d look at me like I was the mad scientist creating a monster. I’m not a mad scientist, nor am I creating a monster. I’ll raise this baby like a normal child,” I told her my reasoning for not telling a single soul about my pregnancy beyond Steve and my OB-GYN.

“I would never let anything bad happen to you or this baby. I’ll guard you two with my life. Do you understand? Nothing bad is going to happen to you or this baby. Not on my watch. And certainly not on yours.”

_Present…_

Failure is something I’ve become used to feeling. But not like this. Certainly not like this. After the snap I got accustomed to the idea that I failed half the universe. Before that I felt like I failed Dr. Cummings when I was recruited into Hydra. I felt like I failed Tony every time he had to come and get me from School as a teenager, and then in Siberia. I felt like I failed Nat after everything that happened in Berlin, when she told me to leave this life behind and I didn’t. I’m used to failing the people around me. But I never failed the one person who actually mattered the most. Until now.

“Natalia Barnes was last seen at eight-thirty last night. She was wearing a pink pyjama set with cartoon dogs on the shirt. She’s three feet tall. She has long curly dark brown hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. If you have any information on her whereabouts or if you’ve seen her, please come to me directly,” T’Challa said to his special forces teams. I felt a nudge on my arm, causing me to glance over at Shuri. She gave me a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, Elena. I’m sure she’s okay,” Shuri whispered to me. I didn’t respond to her comment, I only stood there with Talia’s doll in my clutches and listened to my surroundings.

“Elena.” I heard Bucky mumble into my ear. Tiredly, I looked over at him. “–She’s gonna be okay. We’ll find her,” He affirmed kindly. I so badly wanted to believe he was right but there was a sinking feeling inside me that told me otherwise. It’s been an hour since we discovered Talia’s missing and T’Challa rounded everyone up to scour Wakanda for Talia, he believes she’s still in the city, but we don’t know exactly how long she’s been gone. Bucky and I went to bed at ten o’clock, he fell asleep first and then I dropped off at around ten-thirty. Right now, it’s four in the morning. That’s four and a half hours for whoever it was to take Talia and run.

Once T’Challa ended the meeting he came over to us with a stern expression on his face. This told me he was about to tell me something I wasn’t going to like.

“And as for you two, you must stay here. We have everything handled, just stay in the palace,”

“–And do what? Twiddle our thumbs?!” I shouted frustratedly. T’Challa frowned at me, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I know how badly you want to look for your daughter, but we need you two to stay here in case…” T’Challa trailed off slightly. My eyebrow cocked curiously, wondering what else he had to say to us.

“–In case Hydra is trying to lure us out into the open,” Bucky finished the statement with a defeated tone. I hadn’t looked at it that way, but he was right. This could be a trap and Hydra is just trying to get their hands on me and Bucky as well as Talia. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be out there looking for my daughter. Talia is relying on us to be her superheroes. She needs us right now and we’re being forced to do nothing because of the threat that Hydra might’ve set a trap for us. Helpless. I felt utterly helpless. And useless. Completely and utterly useless.

“I’ll have you escorted to your quarters,” T’Challa said firmly, waving over a palace security officer. I glared up at T’Challa as we were escorted back to our living area. I held the little ragdoll tightly against my chest as I paced the kitchenette. Bucky was perched up on the counter, deep in thought and Sam leaned against the small table, watching me pace around.

“We gotta do something,” I muttered stubbornly.

“Can’t you use your gifts to find her?” Sam asked curiously, trying to find solutions to our problem. I shook my head and frowned as I continued to pace.

“I’ve tried. I can’t see anything. It’s like there’s a shield around her,” I said with a frown. Bucky hopped down from on the counter and gently grabbed my arms, stopping me from pacing anymore. I felt Bucky’s hand rub my back gently.

“We tried. Now we can only hit the pavement and look for her the old fashioned way,” Buck stated. He was right at the end of the day. I tried that avenue, I tried to use my abilities to find her, now I can only hit the ground running and look for Talia the old fashioned way. 

“We aren’t doing anything Bucky! We can’t do anything! Why? Because Hydra wants to play super villain house with our family!” I yelled as my frustrations boiled over. Bucky rubbed my back a little more firmly now. I pulled away from his hold and glared up at him.

“We were safe. In Brooklyn we were safe. If you hadn’t _insisted_ on having her tested she wouldn’t have had that vision and we wouldn’t have come here. We would’ve been safe,” I snarled at him as my mind raced through the situation. Bucky looked down at me astonished. It was like he couldn’t believe what I was saying. But it was true. It was all true. If he hadn’t insisted on having Bruce run those tests on her she wouldn’t have had that vision which would lead us here.

“How do you know?! She may still have had that vision and we would still end up here!” Bucky shouted back at me, equally as frustrated.

“I made a safe place for us! If we hadn’t left that this wouldn’t have happened!” I yelled at him. I could feel the blood beginning to boil in my veins.

“Okay guys let’s calm down,” Sam tried to reason.

“Your safe bubble is a delusion, Elena! Whether you like it or not, we have targets on our backs for the rest of our lives! And now Talia has one on her back as well! I’m sorry I can’t sit there and pretend this isn’t true like you can!” Bucky yelled louder, cutting Sam’s attempts off.

“A delusion? _A delusion_?! My safe bubble was working just fine for five years before all this testing began!” I bellowed angrily.

“El! El!” Galina’s voice echoed through the room, putting an end to mine and Bucky’s argument. My head jerked in their direction, hoping Talia was with them but the small group of girls entered empty handed. They wore their pyjamas and worried expressions. But there was something else there. Something they needed to tell me. But they all stopped mid way into the kitchenette and looked at Bucky and me awkwardly.

“Whoa, bad vibes in here,” Danica murmured. My gears shifted drastically when the girls came in. My focus went back to what was important. Talia was missing. Bucky and I needed to put our differences aside and focus.

“What is it? Did you find her?” I panickily asked, praying as hard as I could that she found and okay. But the girls merely looked at each other sadly and shook their heads.

“Ahlai is gone,” Zasha told me point blank. To say I saw red would be an understatement. A few hours ago, I tried to convince everyone there was something wrong with Ahlai until I was blue in the face, but no one believed me. And now look, Talia’s missing and Ahlai vanished in the middle of the night so conveniently. That’s when the memory of Talia’s imprint on the ragdoll replayed in my head. The voice of the mystery person sounded familiar. It sounded familiar because it was Ahlai’s.

“Elena, sit, sit down,” Bucky said trying to urge me to sit down. But I refused. Every muscle in my body tensed. My hands balled into tight fists as the tingly feeling rushed through my fingers. If I thought the blood was boiling before, boy was I wrong. I felt pure untainted rage. I watched as every one’s expressions became fearful. I looked down at my hands and saw something I never saw before, outlining my hands was a glowing blue. It was the physical manifestation of my abilities. Without hesitation I shot my hands forward, launching a glowing blue ball past the girls and into the wall, driving holes through the palace walls until it was out of sight. Usually after a huge exertion of my abilities I’d be tired, but I was completely energized.

I looked at the girls, my jaw clenched, and teeth ground together.

“You better find Ahlai before I do, or I will tear her a part,” I warned through my gritted teeth. At that moment I made a promise; that if I found Ahlai before they did and she did in fact have my daughter, I’ll tear her into shreds. I swear on my life.


	12. Considered for Carnage.

_4 years 8½ months earlier..._

“Welcome, my handsome prince. What do you seek here?” I whispered as I rocked back and forth on the rocking chair. “–We seek youth without age and life without death.” I read from the storybook. I was reading from a Romanian storybook that I found at the thrift store. It was filled with eighteen folktales. I was on the fourth story into the book. The story I was reading was a tale called Youth Without Age and Life Without Death. I was reading to my unborn daughter.

“El.” Steve’s voice made me look up from the book. He was standing in the doorway of the nursery with his arms crossed over his chest.

“What are you doing?” He asked, arching an eyebrow. I briefly looked down at the book then back up at Steve.

“I’m reading,” I replied softly. Steve sighed and shook his head.

“You’re supposed to be packing your hospital bag,” He commented, gesturing to the empty duffle bag on the floor. I set the book down on the changing table beside me and got up from the rocking chair in the corner.

“I was taking a break. Besides, I finished packing my stuff. It’s just the baby’s stuff now,” I muttered. I was taking a break because I was experiencing contractions. I’m not due for another few weeks so I’m sure it was just false labor. This time both of Steve’s eyebrows shot upward, he looked back down at the empty bag then back to me. He wore an amused expression.

“ _Uh-huh_ ,” He chimed in. Steve came into the small nursery and picked up the duffle bag on the floor. He set it down on the changing table.

“I’ll help you pack,” He stated and immediately began to help me pack the bag. I nodded my head, accepting his assistance. I planned on staying in the hospital for two days after giving birth. So, I need to bring her first outfit, pyjamas, a coming home outfit, socks and booties, a blankets, diapers and wipes, hats, and burping clothes. And this is just for baby. I’m gonna need to bring my own things with me. I need to bring my birthing plan, nightgowns, maternity pads, underwear, nursing bras, toiletries, a pillow, chargers, my phone and mp3 player, earbuds, regular clothes, and some snacks and drinks.

Not to mention, Nat and Steve’s hospital bags. I couldn’t decide who I wanted in the room with me, so I chose both of them. Natasha because she’s my mother figure and I need another woman in the room with me to get me through this without mass murder on the agenda. And Steve because he asked to be there. He wanted to document this whole experience for when the baby gets older. Besides, Bucky is Steve’s best friend, and it wouldn’t be right if no one from the father’s side of the family was there.

“How many diapers do you think we’ll need?” Steve asked, looking at the stack of diapers confusedly. I looked at him, equally as clueless as him. I had no idea how many we’d need.

“Just pack a bunch. Better to have too many than not enough,” I told him. Steve nodded as he grabbed two handfuls of diapers and put them in the bag. He grabbed the entire thing of wipes and put it alongside the diapers. I handed him two piles of clothes, followed by a couple of receiving blankets.

I almost doubled over when the pain came over me. It was like the worst period cramps times a hundred. The dull ache started at the top of my belly and flowed down to the bottom and stayed in my lower back. The pressure in my pelvis was unimaginable. I felt like I was going to throw up.

Steve immediately dropped what he was doing and held me up throughout this wave of contractions. He helped me do my breathing exercises and he rubbed my lower back gently. Once the false labor subsided I managed to stand on my own.

“That was a rough one.” He kept rubbing my lower back. I let out a deep breath and nodded in agreement.

“Hello! Anybody home?!” Nat’s voice shouted through the apartment. She agreed that she’d come and stay with us during the last couple of weeks of my pregnancy to help around the place. But mostly so Steve doesn’t lose his mind over me and my nesting.

“In the nursery!” Steve called out. A moment later Nat appeared in the doorway of the bedroom. She smiled at me and cooed. Every time she sees me she does this. I’m not sure who’s more excited about this pregnancy Natasha or Steve. They both seem to think a baby will do everyone some good. A new beginning. Especially after….

“You look like you’re about ready to pop,” Nat commented as she cupped my now large belly. I nodded in agreement. I felt like I was about ready to pop.

“Careful Nat, she’s been having false labor,” Steve warned in a lighthearted way. Natasha looked from him to me with wide eyes.

“How long have you been having false labor?” She asked worriedly. I sighed heavily and shrugged.

“A few hours,” I replied honestly. This seemed to worry her even more. She ushered me back to the rocking chair when another wave of false labor crashed into me. She and Steve looked at each other concernedly. Natasha seemed to know what was going on whereas Steve was in the dark about what was going on. Either way, they were both worried.

“How long are the contractions? How far a part are they?” Natasha questioned. My brain started to calculate everything, that’s when a lightbulb went off over my head. I’ve been having one minute long contractions that are five minutes a part and have lasted more than an hour. The five-one-one rule popped into my head.

I shook my head in denial and laughed lightheartedly.

“No, this isn’t happening now. I still have a few weeks to go,” I said. I saw the lightbulb go off over Steve’s head as the realization struck him.

“Baby seems to have other plans,” Nat stated with a motherly smile. And just like that, Steve rushed to finish packing the baby’s bag before collecting everything we were taking and heading downstairs to the car. Whereas Nat helped me to the elevator and then into the car. She sat in the backseat with me while Steve drove. Panic had set in and the realization that I’m about to have a baby hit me. In no time I’m going to go from being pregnant to being a mother. I’m about to have an entire human being to look after. I know this was my choice and I wanted this, but it just hit me exactly how much my life is about to change.

We arrived at the hospital within fifteen minutes. We checked in at the maternity ward and were taken back to a room. I changed into a nursing bra and covered my lower half with a blanket. I was too hot to wear any of my gowns. I had to give them my birthing plan, which was to keep it all natural. I didn’t want any epidural, I don’t think it’d even affect me. But either way, I didn’t want it.

A little while later a midwife came in to take my vitals and check to see how far along I am. The blush on Steve’s face was brighter than a red light beacon at nighttime on a clear night. Apparently I was five centimetres dilated. I had been in labor for only a few hours and was already halfway there.

“Fucking shit!” I cried loudly, throwing my head back and yanking the earbuds out of my ears. My entire body ached, those cramps I felt were now a tight squeezing inside of me and that dull back pain was now a pounding feeling that radiated from my back to my stomach. And it felt like someone was stabbing me in the cervix with a hot knife. About three hours ago I began to get the urge to push. That urge was almost overwhelming. 

“You’re doing great,” Natasha lulled at me, stroking my hair back from my face. My entire body trembled as sweat seeped through every pore. My eyebrows were knitted together as the pain continued. I slowly breathed through the pain. Slowly the contraction subsided for the time being.

“How much longer do I have to do this?” I pathetically asked, relaxing a bit until the next contraction. Nat looked down at me with a mothering smile.

“Hopefully not much longer,” She reassured kindly. I knew what that meant. She had no idea how much longer I’ll have to go through this. I just wanted to get to the point already. I wanted this baby out of me already. I was so happy I had Nat here with me. Poor Steve was huddled off in the corner, slightly mortified by what he was witnessing. I think if it were just him he’d have passed out.

“Keep listening to your meditation music,” Natasha suggested. I shook my head no and handed her the mp3 player. The calming music wasn’t having any affect on me. Relaxing was not on my agenda apparently.

“Knock, knock.” A woman’s voice came from the entrance to the room. We all looked over to see the midwife coming into the room.

“How are we doing?” She asked with a cheerful smile. I wanted nothing more than to smack that smile off her face. As mean as that sounds I wanted to do it. I’m tired and in pain, and she comes frolicking in with that smile as if she didn’t have a care in the world.

“I want this baby out of me.” My response sounded more like a demand. The midwife’s smile faded slightly as she stood at the end of the hospital bed.

“Well, let’s see how far along you are and go from there,” She stated in a firm but kind way. She sat down by my feet and lifted the blanket slightly. I felt an intense pressure in my groin. The midwife’s smile returned brighter than before.

“The baby’s head is crowning. Looks like you can start pushing now,” She informed me. Immediately, Steve was by my side and Nat was on the other side of me. Both of them were saying encouragements as I pushed down as hard as I could. The pressure in my groin was replaced with a burning sensation. It made me want to stop pushing but I knew that I couldn’t stop, I had to push forward. That burning sensation got worse as I continued to push. Nat and Steve kept cheering me on. But what they were saying was beyond me. I could only concentrate on my task at hand. I heard the midwife say something about the baby’s head being out, but I kept pushing.

Just as fast as it started, it ended. I felt something being placed on my chest. I opened my eyes to see a tiny person looking up at me, crying loudly. My heart flooded with love and joy upon seeing my daughter. Tears sprang from my eyes as I stared down at my baby. She had her father’s nose and a mop of thick dark hair.

I looked up at Nat and smiled through the joyous tears. She seemed beyond happy for me. I looked over at Steve who was taking pictures and staring in awe. They both were so happy for me. And I was so happy too. I glanced back down at my daughter, smiling brightly.

“Happy birthday Natalia Barnes.”

_Present…_

I sat on the edge of the bed in our room, Bucky was sitting on the other side of the bed. We had our backs facing each other. I mindlessly stared out at the sunny day, thinking of all the great adventures we’d be taking Talia on today if she were here. Bucky and I would take her swimming with the local kids, probably take her to the park and have a picnic lunch. It would’ve been a nice day.

I brought the small rag doll up to my nose, inhaling the faint scent. I don’t know why I did that, maybe I’m hoping I secretly became a blood hound and can pick up on her scent that leads us to where she is. But all I got was the memory of her feeling scared beyond comprehension as she was being drugged.

The memory brought tears to my eyes. My entire body began to tremble under the pressure of it being over twelve hours since I last saw my daughter in person. T’Challa’s orders were still in play, Bucky and I were to remain in our quarters until Talia is found. But the search has been going on for almost eight hours solid now. I choked on a sob that crawled up my throat. The tears came pouring down my face. I curled into myself as I cried hard.

I felt the bed dip down beside me and an arm wrap around my back. I knew it was Bucky who was comforting me. I merely collapsed into him and sobbed even harder. I felt him stroke my hair gently.

“It’s gonna be okay. We’ll find her,” He lulled sweetly, a complete contrast of our screaming match from earlier. Since then, we haven’t spoken a word to each other.

“Hydra has my baby,” I whimpered pathetically. That was the only thing I could think of. Hydra has my baby. The people who hurt me the most has my child. Who knows what they’re planning on doing to her? It scares me to even imagine what they have planned for Talia.

I felt the walls I put up to protect myself come crumbling down. Everyone’s thoughts came rushing into my mind. It was loud, so very loud. The feelings of guilt and worry became overwhelming; it was coming from Bucky. It drowned out all the other emotions coming from anybody within a close proximity. His thoughts were merely memories of being tortured and forced to kill all those people. He was wondering if that was his daughter’s fate at this point. Everything was so overwhelming. It made me wonder how I ever functioned when I didn’t know how to put up that barrier.

‘ _Mama_.’ The word echoed through my mind, drowning out all the other thoughts. The voice was small and distressed. But it was Talia’s. I jumped up to my feet. My entire body was quaking as I stared down at Bucky wide eyed. My heart raced inside my chest. Bucky’s guilt and fear was soon overthrown by the pure untainted feelings of fear and uncertainty. I wasn’t sure if that voice came from Bucky’s memory or if it really was Talia.

Bucky looked up at me confusedly.

“El, what is it?” He asked in a concerned way.

“Did you do that?” I quizzed breathlessly. Bucky stood up, the creases his eyebrows made deepened as his brows furrowed further.

“Did I do what?”

‘ _Mama!_ ’ Talia’s terrified voice came screaming through my head like an eighteen wheeler on the highway. It was followed by another jolt of fear and uncertainty. These emotions caused my entire body to shake even more. I felt jittery and on edge, realizing these things weren’t coming from Bucky. They were coming from Talia.

“It’s Talia,” I murmured. Bucky immediately jumped forward, grabbing hold of my upper arms. He looked concerned, afraid and in shock.

“What? What do you mean it’s Talia? What’s going on?” He panickily questioned. I didn’t know what was happening. All I knew was I could hear and feel Talia. My head throbbed when the images flashed through my mind. I doubled over, collapsing to my knees. The images became clearer in my mind. It was dark and loud. The loud roar of an engine mixed with the low rumbling and crackling filled my ears. It was a car engine, and we were driving down a dirt road.

“El? Elena, what is it? Tell me what’s happening.” I heard Bucky’s voice break through the vision I was having. I couldn’t reply back to him. I felt something covering the lower part of my face, I’m assuming there was duct tape over my mouth to prevent me from screaming or even making a noise.

I felt hot metal pressed against the side of my body uncomfortably. My arms were outstretched and bound together at the wrists with duct tape. I couldn’t see much else; I was covered with something. It felt like wool. I was covered with a blanket. Pin pokes of sunlight rushed in through the holes in the wool blanket.

The rumbling stopped. We had come to a stop. That’s when I heard it, a man talking. No, two men talking. One voice sounded like it was inside the vehicle while the other came from outside.

“Passports.” A deep man’s voice demanded in… Amharic? Yeah, it was Amharic. His man was asking for passports in Amharic. That means we’re entering Ethiopia. But then I heard the other man’s voice. He didn’t sound like he spoke Amharic. He didn’t have the accent and the words didn’t seem to flow as naturally.

“What’s your business in Ethiopia?” The border security guard asked in Amharic. I felt the strong urge to try and scream. Tears blurred my vision. I wanted so badly to make my presence known but I was scared of what’ll happen if I tried to reach out. 

“Just passing through on the way to Sudan,” The second man replied in an upbeat way.

“Why are you going to Sudan?”

“Work.”

“Just the two of you?”

“Yes.”

Then there was silence. I heard bootsteps walking away from the vehicle. There was distant talking. I could feel the tension rising inside the car.

“Let’s hope they don’t search the car.” I heard Ahlai say.

“They won’t,” Replied the man. After a brief moment of distant speaking, bootsteps approached the car again. Then it was silent again.

“Let them through!” The border security guard shouted.

I was launched from the scene in front of me back to where I was before. I found myself flat on my back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Bucky hovered over me with unease masking his features. My head throbbed painfully.

“El? El? Are you okay?” Bucky asked, trying to bring me back to the present. Sorely, I sat up. Bucky’s hand laid flat on my back to help me up. The emotions I just felt lingered.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I mumbled. The throbbing in my skull made me dizzy.

“What just happened? What did you see?” Bucky questioned frantically. I looked over at him, slightly confused as to what just happened. This only happened to me once before back in Berlin seven years ago when Zemo used Bucky’s trigger words to activate the Winter Soldier.

“Talia. She got into my head and showed me where she was,” I said, trying to piece together the events that just happened. It made sense; my walls were down so she could get into my head. Bucky’s eyes widened and he stumbled over his words.

“Where is she?” He finally spat out.

“They’re going to Sudan.”


	13. Feet Covered in Mud, Hands Stained with Blood

Four years ago I made a promise. A promise I can never break. A promise that means more than any other promise I’ve ever made before it. The moment I looked into my daughter’s eyes I promised her I’d protect her at all costs. I promised her she’d never have to have the life I did. She will be loved. Her life won’t be full of torture, missions, and blood. Instead, it’ll be full of love, laughter, and adventures. I know I can’t protect her from everything. She’ll have her heart broken by a boy or girl, she’ll be faced with mean spirited people and she’ll have her own adversities to overcome. But she’ll never know the life I had. She’ll only know me as I am right now. She’ll never know who I was or what I did. She’ll never know what I went through.

But now she’s in the hands of the people who caused so much pain and destruction in mine and her father’s lives. And I’m permitted to do nothing about it. All because of the fear that this is a trap to lure us out into the open. It’s maddening to sit by and do nothing when you don’t know what’s happening to your child. It’s earth shattering to know there’s nothing you can do about it. But I refuse to sit by and do nothing while my baby is out there in the hands of such evil people.

I stood in front of the mirror; disapproval written over my face. I didn’t like that I was doing this. I put this part of me to rest. It was never meant to come back with a vengeance. In the mirror stood a familiar sight. The black combat boots laced up tightly, black tactical pants with hip and thigh holsters, a black tank top with shoulder holsters sight brought a bleak feeling to me. It brought back a lot of bad memories, as well as some good ones.

I tightened my ponytail before holstering my weapons. A blade in the thigh holster, guns on either hip, as well as a gun in each shoulder holster, and a knife in my boot for extra precaution. I was more than ready to fight like Hell to get Talia back. Hydra has my daughter and Hydra plays dirty. So, I’m 100% prepared to play dirtier.

Naturally, I looked different now than I did seven years ago when I last wore this ensemble. I had gained some weight and I didn’t look as young as I once did. I’ve obviously aged. I suppose seven years and a kid can do that to the best of us. Even though I age slower than normal people, I still age.

“Elena?” Bucky’s voice called out. Panic rushed through me. I didn’t plan on letting Bucky in on my little plan. I wasn’t about to let him try and talk me out of it. I mean, I was gonna tell him, but I was gonna leave him a note saying I was going to get our daughter back. I was gonna get a jet to the Sudan, Ethiopia border and cut them off there. Luckily, I had help with this little operation. The one person who knows the gravity of the situation and how badly I need to go out there and get my daughter back myself. They’re an unlikely ally.

The sound of heavy footsteps came closer to the small walk in closet. In the reflection of the mirror, I saw Bucky walk into the small space, stopping in the mouth of the room. He looked me up and down a few times while I adjusted the outfit. My gaze went from his stunned face to see his outfit. This caused me to spin around and face him. My eyes widened when I saw what he was wearing. He wore a fitted black leather jacket with the left sleeve cut off, black jeans with his usual combat boots.

“It appears we had the same idea,” I said, cocking an eyebrow. Bucky looked down at his outfit then back to me. He shared a half smile and nodded.

“I can’t just sit around and do nothing. It doesn’t sit right with me,” He stated honestly. I nodded my head and pursed my lips. Despite our blow out earlier in the day, we came to the agreement that we can’t stay in the palace and hope for the best.

T’Challa knows about where Ahlai and that mystery man are taking Talia, and he has the Ethiopian authorities involved but Bucky and I can’t stand by and let your average day Joe, Dick and Harry go after Hydra. Ahlai is with Hydra, that means she’s Hydra trained. Your regular authorities don’t stand a chance against her, or them. I don’t know how many people are on the board playing this game. Talia’s best chance at coming home safely is if Bucky and I go after her.

“Are we enlisting Sam?” I asked curiously. That’s when Sam popped his head into the walk in closet with a sly smile.

“Of course, you’re enlisting Sam,” Sam replied chipperly.

“Did you bring your wings, bird man?” I questioned. Sam stepped into the walk in closet, wearing his red, black, and silver suit with the backpack strapped to his back. It appeared the boys were one step ahead of me. Either way it brought a feeling to home to me. It reminded me of the days of fighting with the Avengers. It reminded me of training with Nat and Steve. It was a strange feeling. The best way to explain it is when you come home after a long trip and you finally relax and feel better.

“How are we gonna sneak out of the palace?” Bucky inquired, looking between Sam and me. A smile crossed my face as I was about the hatch my plan.

“With my help,” My ally replied happily. The two men turned to see who was there. I walked over to the men to see my ally standing in the middle of the room with a proud look on their face. I smiled widely. Sam and Bucky looked at each other like deer caught in the headlights.

“Ramonda, thank you for all your help.” I showed her my gratitude as I stepped out of the closet. Ramonda held out her hands for me to take which I did; she gave my hands a reassuring squeeze.

“I would do it for any mother. Now, let’s get you to the jet, before T’Challa figures out what’s happening,” Ramonda graciously told us before ushering Bucky, Sam and I through the palace to the air strip where there was a jet waiting for us. Before we left I grabbed my go bag with some of Talia’s stuff in it and some extra weapons in case I’d need them. I wanted to make sure Talia had some comfort items for when we rescue her.

This all brought a feeling of anxiety to me. I was hoping that we’d beat them to the Sudan border and rescue Talia and that’s the end of that. But I’ve learned that things aren’t always that easy. Things are rarely as simple as they seem. Steve taught me that. Nat taught me that too. I taught them that too.

“Y’know what I can’t figure out.” Sam’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. I looked across the aisle at him.

“Hmm?” I hummed. Sam looked away from Bucky and me for a moment, leaning forward. He looked like something was weighing heavily on his mind.

“Why is Hydra taking Talia to Sudan? Do they plan on driving all the way to Russia? It doesn’t make sense. Why not go to Ethiopia and board a plane to Russia? It’s quicker and they already know we’re going to go to Russia anyways. That’s where Hydra operates. Why take the long way there when we’re taking the fast way?” Sam posed a good question. It unsettled me for some reason. My stomach churned.

‘ _Mama_.’ Talia’s voice echoed through my head, breaking through my barriers. I gasped for air as I was wrenched from the jet to a busy place. I was seeing the world through Talia’s eyes. She was holding Ahlai’s hand as they walked through this very busy, very public place. She looked up and saw the man walking beside her. I felt my stomach drop when I saw who it was. His face was so familiar. It was the man from Siberia. Baron Zemo.

They trio approached a reception desk. They were in an airport. The woman behind the desk looked down at Talia and smiled brightly.

“ _Awe_! What a beautiful little girl! She looks just like her mommy,” The woman cooed happily in Amharic. I felt a smile crawl over Talia’s face. She was playing along with Zemo and Ahlai’s plans. She knew she needed to play along or something bad would happen.

“Where is the beautiful family going?” The woman asked curiously. I couldn’t see over the desk, so I couldn’t see what the tickets Zemo handed the woman said. But she smiled and typed away on her computer. In the meantime, Talia looked around at her surroundings curiously. That’s when I saw it, across the open area was an insignia that was in English. It read Hawassa International Airport. They weren’t going to Sudan. They went to Awassa to board a plane to go somewhere. They lied to border patrol.

“Who’s the Mozart fan?” She chipperly questioned.

“Oh no one. We’re going to visit grandma,” Zemo replied in an equally chipper way. He was putting on a good show for everyone. I could tell it didn’t click in Talia’s head, but it did in mine. The common denominator in this equation was the place those two people were from. Mozart is from Vienna. My mother, Talia’s grandmother, is in Vienna.

As fast as I was wrenched into Talia’s world, I was thrown out. I panted for air as I rapidly looked around wide eyed at my surroundings.

“It’s not Hydra. It’s Zemo. Zemo has Talia,” I told the two men. Bucky immediately came to my aid, knowing what I just went through. This is the second time today Talia’s gotten into my head. I don’t care how she’s doing it; all I care about is she keeps doing it. She needs to keep leaving me breadcrumbs.

“What? What do you mean it’s Zemo? How do you know this?” Sam frantically asked. I shook my head as it throbbed with pain. I just wanted the ache to stop. The altitude didn’t help my head any.

“Talia got into my head again. She’s with Zemo in an airport. They’re going to Vienna,” I explained feverishly.

“Why are they going to Vienna?” Bucky inquired in a concerned way. I looked over at him and frowned, remembering that not only was my daughter in danger, now my mother was in danger too. The woman who gave birth to me. The one person who conflicts me the most. Remembering the last time I saw her brought tears to my eyes. I haven’t seen my mother in seven years, but I know she’s okay there. Tony would’ve told me if anything happened to her. She hadn’t been one of the billions to be snapped out of existence. She was still in Vienna in that home. I don’t know how she’s doing. I could never bring myself to visit her. Seeing her like that was truly heartbreaking.

“They’re going to see my mother,” I replied. I was confused as to why they were going to see my mother. She had very little to do with anything. The only thing she’s guilty of is being a drug addict and letting a scientist experiment on her. It appeared this confused the two men as well. None of us knew why they were going after my mother.

“Why are they going to see your mother?” Bucky asked. I shrugged and shook my head.

“I have no idea,” I said sullenly. I didn’t know what their plan was, nor did I know what this all meant.

“So, we’re going to Sudan and they’re going to Vienna? That’s just great. They got a decent head start,” Sam muttered annoyed. I felt the annoyed feeling coming off him and it made me feel irritated.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I’m just being fed information from a four year old who’s scared out of her mind and is playing pretend with her captors,” I snarled cruelly. I knew that feeding more irritation to the situation wasn’t helpful, but I couldn’t help it. A few hours ago we found out she was going to Sudan and now all of a sudden she’s headed to Vienna. And now my mother is involved. Zemo and Ahlai are targeting my family and I don’t know why.


	14. Martyr

What is grief but love persevering? That’s it. That’s all I have to say. Grief is love persevering. That statement in itself speaks volumes. And it’s truer than true. The endless emptiness burrowing a hole so deep in me reminds me of how much I love I have for the people I surround myself with. The fear, the anger, and the sadness I’m feeling are a display of the love I have for my daughter. For the last four years we were safe. We were safe in our little bubble in Brooklyn. But Bucky was right. The safe little bubble I created for us was nothing but a delusion. For the rest of our lives, there’s going to be a target on our backs. There is no safe. There will never be a nice house with the white picket fence and a dog. We will always be different. Talia will always be different.

I was kicking myself when we landed in Sudan. Luckily, we radioed Wakanda and told them what was happening. T’Challa had a cargo plan waiting for us for when we landed in Sudan. We got aboard a direct flight to Vienna. But they were still a few hours ahead of us. I was praying to every God known to man that they were still in Vienna and haven’t gone anywhere else.

It was nice day in Vienna. The sun was out, and it was hot, but not overly hot. It’s the perfect day to go to the beach. Talia would’ve loved to go to the beach, especially with her dad. She loved swimming. She was like a little fish. We would’ve made a day of it. We’d go to the beach and have lunch there, probably go for a nature hike too. It would’ve been the perfect family outing.

I sat in the backseat of the rented car, Sam drove, and Bucky was in the passenger seat. Sam didn’t trust either of us to drive, we’d probably get killed on the way there, or kill someone else. I nervously bit my nails as I glanced out the windows panickily. My heart was racing about as fast as my mind was. My brain could only replay when I saw my mother seven years ago. And what could possibly be going on now. Why was Zemo and Ahlai taking Talia to see my mother? What did my mother have to do with any of this?

I shook my head in frustration and leaned forward, between the two men.

“Can you drive faster, Sam?” I requested, which was more like a demand. Bucky looked back at me; concern was written across his face. I don’t know if he was concerned for Talia or me.

“I’m going fifteen over the speed limit,” Sam retorted. I huffed, letting my head fall down between my shoulders. I wanted so badly for us to just teleport to the house where my mother was. I just wanted to get there and put another piece of the puzzle together. I wanted to know if my mother was safe. If they took her too.

“Why do you think she’s showing just you these things? Why isn’t she showing me anything?” Bucky asked out right. My head popped back up and I looked at him puzzledly. My eyebrows rutted together as I examined him. Bucky was looking out the windshield blankly. I shrugged my shoulder and shook my head.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I carried and birthed her and raised her for four years,” I stated my theory. But I saw a small frown capture Bucky’s mouth. I knew he felt guilty for missing so much of her life. So, maybe telling him I have a much stronger connection to Talia than he does wasn’t the best move.

“Or maybe it’s because I told her to stay out of your head,” I replied sullenly. Realistically I hated that I was so adamant about her staying out of her dad’s head. She could get into his head easier than she could get into mine. She broke through my barriers to show me what was happening with her. That must’ve taken a lot of work on her part.

“Can you communicate with her?” Bucky questioned, finally looking over at me. I frowned and shook my head.

“I don’t think so. I can only hear her calling for me and then she breaks into my mind to show me what’s going on around her,” I explained gloomily.

“Can you not track her?”

“No. I can’t. It’s like she’s disappeared off the face of the earth. The only time I know she’s okay is when she shows me what she’s seeing.” I despised the fact that I couldn’t find Talia, no matter how hard I try. I’ve used trigger objects such as pictures and her belongings to try and track her, to see where she is, but I couldn’t see anything. All I could see was a thick fog with no distinct objects around me. It’s scary.

We turned down the empty street and I immediately saw the big peacock blue house with the black gate enclosing the yard. It hasn’t changed a bit since I last saw it seven years ago. Some things never change. Seeing the house reminded me of how I felt the last time I was here. I was paralyzed with fear, unable to move or speak. Nat had to practically drag me into the house.

The car didn’t even stop before I was leaping out of it. I heard Bucky call for me, trying to get me to hold my horses so to speak. I ran across the street, leaped over the gate, and sprinted up the path up the stairs on the porch then pounded my fists against the wooden framed screen door.

“Hello! Hello! Is anybody here?!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, still hitting the rattling screen door with my balled up fists. My heart was in my throat and my stomach was in my ass. My nerves felt fiery causing my knees to feel weak and shake.

“El! El! Calm down,” Sam said as he and Bucky came up the front steps to the porch. The inside door to the house opened and a middle aged woman stood there confused and slightly worried. She said something to me in German, asking me what I was doing here.

“Iona Balan. Is she here?” I frantically asked. I was sure I looked like a mad woman. I’m running off of a few hours of sleep and nothing but coffee. Plus I was armed. The woman looked me up and down once, eyes getting wider as she saw more. This woman had three grown people on her doorstep, one was armed up to their eyes, one had a metal arm and the other…. Well Sam didn’t look intimidating at the moment, so he was her safety net here.

She silently nodded and stepped aside, letting us in. I bounded past her and up the stairs. The memory of the last time I saw my mother played through my head over and over again. It was like a broken record. It drug up so many emotions that I haven’t had a chance to process. Guilt was the main one. But I can’t be worried about that right now. I needed to focus on what’s important. Talia.

I stopped outside the bedroom door, the calk board sign on the door read _‘I. Balan’_. My heart stopped as I stood there. All the blood in my veins ran cold. I was frozen in place, I couldn’t move. Just like last time I was paralyzed. The bedroom door was ajar, letting some of the sunlight flood the shaded hallway.

“What’re you waiting for?” I heard Sam say as the two men stood on either side of me. My stomach twisted into tight knots. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to open that door. I couldn’t face the reality that was just beyond that door. I didn’t even know what that reality looked like. But I was still scared.

“Last time I saw my mother, she didn’t even recognize me. And then I found out the truth, I couldn’t bring myself to come back to face her after that,” I answered in a small voice.

“You haven’t seen her in seven years?” Bucky asked. I nodded my head with a frown. “–Sam and I can go in our selves, you can stay here if you want,” He added in a gentle tone. I felt a firm hand on the small of my back. I shook my head at him, sucking in a deep breath.

“I have to face her sooner or later,” I muttered. I sucked in another deep breath and reached out, pushing the door open further. The room was just how I remembered it to be, neat and tidy. Warm. Sunny. But as the door opened even more I saw the rocking chair by the window. And the woman sitting in it. I let go of the breath I was holding onto.

“She’s safe,” I murmured, relieved. My mother was safe and sound. Zemo didn’t kidnap her like he did my daughter.

But my world turned upside down when I watched the dark haired woman sitting in the rocking chair stand up. She turned to face us. Terror filled her face when she laid eyes on us. Her olive complexion paled, and her dark eyes widened.

“You need to leave! Get out! Get out! Leave me alone!” She screamed in Romanian. I hastily walked up to her and held onto her arms in an attempt to comfort her. But she struggled against me. Guilt and depression filled the void inside me when I realized she recognized me and Bucky. That theory was solidified when she kept saying she didn’t want to be drugged again, and that we’re the bad people who hurt her before.

I couldn’t help but look over my shoulder at Bucky. He appeared sympathetic and guilty too. He didn’t know what to do in this situation, so he and Sam entered the room and closed the door behind them. I turned back to my mother, still trying to make her come to her senses, so to speak.

“Mama! Mama! It’s me, Zero!” I told her, speaking Romanian so she could understand me. That’s when she stopped instantly. The terror that filled her face immediately vanished when she looked directly at me. Her dark eyebrows furrowed as her even darker gaze travelled over me.

“ _You_ ,” She harshly whispered. “–Zero? But I… No, you can’t be. It’s impossible. You’re not...” I shook my head at her and smiled through the blurry tears that filled my eyes. This was the first time my mother acknowledged me; besides the day I was born. She barely acknowledged me the day I came here seven years ago.

And it doesn’t help that I have my barriers down in case Talia needs to make contact again. I was feeling everything everyone around me was feeling and I was hearing everything they were thinking. It was overwhelming but I needed to keep my guard down for Talia.

“It’s me, mama. It’s Zero,” I reiterated gently, cupping her face in the palms of my hands.

“But you were just here,” She muttered. Again, my world was sent for a loop. I stared at her confusedly.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. She grabbed onto my wrists gingerly and tilted her head.

“You were just here. With the man, your husband, and little girl…–my granddaughter, Talia. She’s just like you with those abilities. She cured me. She fixed my mind.” To say I was in awe would be an understatement. I had to glance over at Bucky in sheer amazement. I turned back to my mother and frowned, feeling my heart break inside my chest.

“Mama that wasn’t me. Those people kidnapped Talia, she’s really my daughter. Can you tell me why they came here? When were they here?” I questioned, wanting to get to the bottom of this puzzle piece. My mother’s face twisted into something that read concern as she thought about my questions. That’s when the idea popped into my head.

“Show me,” I requested softly. My mother’s eyes trained on me instantly. She knew what I meant when I said that. She nodded her head at me and closed her eyes. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I was launched from my mind into hers effortlessly.

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself seeing the world through my mother’s eyes. I was standing outside on a street, shivering even though it was sunny and appeared to be in the warmer months. My entire body ached, and my head pounded. I felt like I had the flu.

I was standing in a back alley, wearing an oversized sweater and jeans. My clothes were dirty. I was dirty.

“Catherin Miroslav?” I heard a familiar man’s voice say. My head jerked up and I looked towards the mouth of the alley to see a man standing there in a nice suit. Dr. Cummings. It was Dr. Cummings.

“Yeah?” A voice came from me, but it wasn’t mine. Dr. Cummings came towards me until he stood merely feet away. He looked the same as he did the last time, I saw him, apart from the fact that his snowy white hair was now dark brown with white flicks through it.

“I’m Dr. Theodor Cummings, we spoke at the clinic,” He said in a nonintimidating way. He was gentle and kind. A complete contrast to how I remember him. He was cold and calculated, that’s how I remember him. He very rarely showed kindness.

“Yes, yes,” My mother hastily replied, walking closer to him. “–Do you have the stuff?” She asked. Dr. Cummings smiled at me, bowing his head before looking directly at me.

“I have a better proposition for you,” He announced with a sly smile.

“And what would that be?” My mother questioned, fidgeting with her fingers.

“I’m conducting a research project and I’d like you to be a part of it. You’ll be housed, fed, and clothed. And your habit will be fed, but with better drugs. All I need from you is a baby.” I immediately knew what this was. My mother was looking to score some drugs and Dr. Cummings is going to recruit her into Project Lumini. This is how it happened. I spent so many years wondering how my mother even met Dr. Cummings or why, but now I know.

I was thrown from that scene to another. This time I found myself sitting on an examination table. I was in the compound in Russia. I recognized this place. I’ve been to this very room numerous times.

I was sitting on the table wearing a gown. My head felt light and nothing seemed right. I couldn’t focus on anything around me. It felt like I was going to fall asleep. Even though this feeling caused distress to me, to my mother it felt good. She was high and she felt good.

My head popped up when the door to the examination room opened, Dr. Cummings walked in with a nurse…. Doreen! Doreen and Dr. Cummings walked into the room. Dr. Cummings held onto a file while Doreen went to the medicine cabinet to do something. Dr. Cummings stopped a few feet away and flipped open the file. His icy blue eyes scanned the page before finding my gaze.

“Congratulations Catherin. You’re pregnant,” Dr. Cummings announced monotonously. I could pry my eyes off him as the world around me vanished. Everyone and everything became distant. He was still talking but I couldn’t hear a word he said, my ears were ringing.

I wrapped my arms around my stomach and hunched forward slightly, shielding the life inside me from the world around me. The sudden jolt of reality hit me, leaving a protectiveness in its wake. Love swelled my heart. I couldn’t think of anything besides my baby. My mother…. –She was protective of me. She loved me. The love she had for me rivaled the love I had for Talia.

Another jolt threw me from this memory and sent me spinning into the next. This time I was in excoriating pain, it reminded me of labor with Talia, only worse. My entire body shook violently as the pain ripped through me. I could barely see through the tears that blurred my vision. But I could see I was in the examination once again, only this time I was laying on a gurney instead of the examination table.

“Push, Catherin. You need to push.” Dr. Cummings’ voice broke through the pain, stealing my attention briefly. He stood at the end of the gurney, between my legs. A white sheet was draped across my lower body. There was a woman standing to the side of me. It wasn’t Doreen this time.

I gripped onto the bars of the gurney and did as he said. I bore down, pushing as hard as I could. The stinging feeling caused my mother to scream in agony. The pain and the screaming didn’t seem to end. That is until the stinging sensation stopped along with the pain. It was like a weight being lifted off of me, a wave of relief washed over me.

I panted heavily, staring starry eyed at the ceiling. I let go of the bars of the gurney and looked down to between my thighs where a baby was laying. She was pink like a little shrimp but with thick dark hair. Lots of hair. The baby began to cry as the fluids were suctioned out of her mouth. The baby had a healthy pair of lungs.

Dr. Cummings wrapped the baby up and placed ‘em on my chest. I immediately cradled the small bundle. Tears flooded from my eyes as I looked down at her. As I looked down at me. My mother just gave birth to me.

“It’s a girl,” Dr. Cummings announced. I felt a smile creep across my face as I snuggled closer to my daughter.

“Hello little one,” My mother’s voice whispered to me in a kind way. I kissed the top of her head as she continued to cry.

“Her name is,”

“Zero. Subject Zero,” Dr. Cummings interrupted as he looked down at the clipboard and wrote something down. My eyes widened as the woman from my side took the baby from me. She rushed out of the room with the baby, who was still crying. I tried to sit up, but I was too weak, so instead I held out my arms in hopes they’d return my baby. My tears of joy became tears of agony.

“Zero! My Zero! Bring her back!” My mother cried. I could feel the heartbreak, it was debilitating. My mother really did love me.

The memory ended and I was thrown into another one. I was sitting on the end of the gurney this time. I had gotten dressed and there was a bag at my feet. I felt like shit. My entire body hurt, and my heart felt like it was shattered into pieces. I looked down at my feet tiredly, waiting for something. I didn’t even look up when the door opened once again, and Dr. Cummings walked in. He stopped about a foot away from me, holding out a white paper cup.

“Take these and you’ll be on your way,” He said. I took the cup, peering down into it. There was a concoction of pills in it. Without hesitation I threw the cup of pills back and swallowed them.

The memories I was seeing were becoming shorter and shorter, but the relevance was the same. After I swallowed the pills, I was pulled away from the memory once again and thrown into another one. I felt guilt overcome me as I found myself sitting on a couch, staring out a window. I could see something pink in my hands, it was soft and warm. But my mind was trained on a single thing. Zero. My Zero.

From the corner of my eye, I saw something move. I didn’t bother looking over. I already knew what this was. I knew who those people were. It was me and Bucky. This was the night I was sent to kill my mother. But I couldn’t do it. And apparently neither could Bucky.

“Zero?” My mother whimpered; the movement stopped.

“He took my Zero,” She cried. “–Subject One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven. Subject Zero. He took my Zero,” My mother whimpered to herself repeatedly. I looked over my shoulder to see the young girl standing there, around twelve or thirteen years old. She wore all black. A black long-sleeved shirt and black tactical pants with combat boots. Her dark hair was tightly pulled back into a French brain. Her already pale face drained of all color. The absent look in her peacock blue eyes sparkled for a moment, like she was breaking through a dark and heavy spell. I was breaking the spell. I remember this. I recognized this woman because she knew my name.

That was when the big man standing behind her strode forward. It was Bucky. No, it wasn’t Bucky. It was the Winter Soldier. His long dark brown hair shrouded his face, and the mask covered his lower face. He wore a black leather jacket and matching black tactical pants with his boots.

He rushed past the little girl, lurching something out of her hand. The young girl went to lunge forward after the man. But before she could catch him, she collapsed to the floor, completely out cold. My trigger word was spoken. The word that deactivated me instantly. I failed my mission. 

The Winter Solider approached me, grabbing my arm. He wrenched it toward him, exposing my bare arm. He took the needle and pressed it into my skin, a stinging feeling radiated from the puncture. I looked up at him, his icy blue gaze was frozen on me.

“Please,” My mother whispered to him, pleadingly. “–Protect my Zero. Save her,” She added weakly. My mother was on the verge of being murdered and her final plead was for him to protect me, to save me. My gaze went down from his to the needle in my arm. He pressed the fluid into my body but then he stopped halfway. I looked back up and saw something in his blue eyes, something that said he was human. Something that said he wasn’t the Winter Soldier; he was Bucky Barnes. He had humanity.

Once again, I was thrown from this memory to the next like a ragdoll. My head was throbbing with pain. But I powered through the pain to continue to see what my mother had to show me. I was starting to think this was useless, she didn’t remember Talia at all.

The memory I was in was just a thick fog. I couldn’t make out anything around me. But I could hear things around me, voices. I tirelessly ran around the thick fog, trying to find something, anything.

“Elena!” Nat’s voice sucker punched me in the gut. It made me stop dead in my tracks. “– _Jesus Christ_ ,” She hissed. An image of the red haired assassin appeared in the fog. She was kneeling over an indistinct body. Worry was written across her face. It’s only been a few weeks since I last saw her, but it feels like a lifetime ago.

“How long have you known?” My voice broke through the fog, along with the image of me standing in a defensive stance. My fists were by my side and my shoulders were back. 

“A while,”

“Natasha don’t bullshit me. I saw you. You came to see her a long time ago,”

“Tony found her shortly after you came to us,”. “–He sent me to collect a DNA sample for a maternity test just to make sure she was your mother. He told me not to tell you. It’s been difficult, especially when you told everyone you were going to try and find her.” I suddenly remembered this moment as clearly as I knew my name. It was the day I learned the people around me had far more secrets than I had any idea about.

“Tony, –Is he the reason she’s here?”

“He didn’t want you to see her… the way she was before. He wanted her to get better before we let you see her,”

“Better? This is better, Nat? My mother is catatonic!”

“She was a drug addict. Before and after you were born. The only reason she agreed to have those experiments done on her was to chase the high. When she fled Russia and came here, she continued her habit. Until one day she took a cocktail of drugs that sent her into a tailspin of madness.” I felt shame wash over me. My mother was feeling ashamed. “–When Tony found her, he put her into a rehab program to detox but the detoxing induced a catatonic state. Nothing’s seemed to get her to snap out of it, that’s when he put her here,”

“And this, _this_ is better?”

“She’s made progress. –She’s able to eat and go to the bathroom on her own now. It’s slow progress but it’s better than nothing,” She added, looking down at my mother with empathy in her glassy eyes. I followed her gaze, taking in the sight of my own mother. She was in there. I knew she was, somewhere deep inside, she was there. She let me see for a brief moment.

“My mother deserves justice.”

The images faded as quickly as they appeared, and I was left alone in the fog again. Among this conversation were many other voices, other conversations my mother’s heard. It was so overwhelming but so boring at the same time. I couldn’t hear what was being said but I just knew that being stuck here day in and day out must be mind numbing.

But then a voice came through that I recognized, and it was as clear as day. It was the dark haired woman. The nurse of this place.

“What’re your relations to Iona?” She asked.

“I’m her daughter, Elena. I came here a few years ago with another woman,” Ahlai’s voice incited a pure untainted rage inside me. Not only did she steal my child, but she’s also pretending to be me.

“Why come back now?” The woman questioned.

“I figured we’d visit grandma while on our family vacation. This is Talia’s first time meeting her,” Ahlai said. I could almost hear the smug smile on her face.

“Alright. Take your time then,” The woman said.

“Natalia, this is your grandmother, Catherin,” Ahlai told Talia.

“Go say hello,” Zemo encouraged. I could hear tiny footsteps approach me. I had to look around to make sure Talia wasn’t here with me. I don’t know if I wanted to be here with me or not. I wanted to see her and make sure she was okay.

“Hello gramma,” Talia’s little voice broke through the haze. I damn near jumped for joy when I heard her voice. Even though I knew she was being held against her will, she sounded alright.

“What’s wrong with her?” Talia asked curiously.

“Why don’t you take a look? Go into your grandmother’s mind and see what happened to her,” Zemo suggested menacingly. I shook my head violently and frantically tried to find something in this fog. I don’t know what I was doing, I had to do something.

“No! Talia! Don’t do that!” I shouted into the thick haze. I didn’t want Talia to see anything. I didn’t want her to know what’s happened in the past. I didn’t want her to see who me and her father were. I didn’t want her to see what her grandmother was.

I stopped running in circles when I saw the small girl standing in the fog with me. She stared off into the distance. I rushed up to her, kneeling down in front of her. I grabbed onto her shoulders and frantically examined her.

“Talia? Honey? Are you okay? Answer me! Talia!” I cried as I searched her for any injuries, there were none. But she didn’t respond to me, she didn’t acknowledge me. Talia stared off into space. Her bright blue eyes were ringed with dark circles. Her usually sun kissed skin was pale. She was no longer wearing her pyjamas but a plain black outfit. A black tee shirt with black tactical pants. She wore her pink runners. Talia’s dark hair was pulled back into a French braid.

I watched as horror filled her absent eyes. She was seeing everything. She was knowing everything that’s happened. Tears filled her eyes, and her mouth formed a frown. Then she vanished right before my eyes. Talia was gone. I stared at the space she once occupied. I was absolutely horrified that she just witnessed all of these memories. I don’t know what else she’s seen when she’s been with Ahlai and Zemo. I can only imagine. But I didn’t know what their game plan was. What was their goal of all this?

“I’m gonna make you better. Don’t worry, gramma,” Talia’s little voice came from somewhere in the fog. That’s when something happened. Something big. It was like an explosion going off inside my mother’s head. I was jolted out of the fog suddenly and the world became bright and clear. I was sitting in the rocking chair by the window, staring out at the world.

I felt something soft touch my arm. I turned my head, and my fears were put to rest when I saw Talia standing next to me. Her baby blue eyes were filled with tears that spilled down her face. Her cheeks were rosy. My mother was feeling confusion, but I was feeling rage. Especially when Zemo knelt beside Talia, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Do you see now? Your parents are not superheroes, they’re the villains,” Zemo said into Talia’s ear softly. Her lower lip trembled as she looked at me with such sadness.

“I’m sorry my mom and dad did this to you, gramma,” Talia choked out. Her grip on my arm tightened. She stiffened herself up, putting on a brave face.

‘ _Mama. We’re going to Nordvik. Please come get me. I wanna go home._ ’ Talia’s voice echoed through my mother’s mind. She left me a message with my mother. She outright told me where they were going.

Unexpectedly I was wrenched out of my mother’s mind and thrown back into my own. I gasped for air as I was thrown back. I fell to the ground, smacking my head on the wooden floor.

“Jesus! El!” Bucky shouted as he knelt over me. I stared up at him, panting heavily. My heart was racing a thousand miles an hour. My mind was set on one thing. What Zemo said to Talia about me and Bucky being the villains. It didn’t make sense to me. Why did he want her to believe we’re the villains? Why did he want Talia to see that? What were his plans?

“What did you see?” Bucky asked as he helped me sit up. Sam was at my mother’s side; she had collapsed as well. I groaned and held the back of my throbbing head.

“Talia saw what we did to my mother all those years ago,” I told him honestly. Even though I saw much more than just that, this is what was relevant. Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked between me and Sam.

“Why did she see that?” He questioned confusedly. I sighed heavily and looked up at Buck.

“Zemo told her to. He wanted her to see it,” I said. “–But I know where they’re going next,” I announced. Both Bucky and Sam looked at me wide eyed.

“How?” Sam queried astonishedly.

“Talia left me a message,” I stated, a smile nudging the corner of my mouth. I was beyond proud of Talia. She improvised and left me a message, knowing I’d come here looking for her. She knew we’re looking for her. She hasn’t lost hope.

“Boys, you better pack your jackets. We’re headed to Northern Russia.”


	15. Take Me Home

My grief felt like a blackhole inside of me. Swallowing everything whole. I no longer found salvation in the good memories I have, instead they bring me pain and suffering. How many more times can I be knocked down? How many more times do I have to get back up? Dust myself off and go on as if nothing ever happened? How many more of my family members do I have to watch die or leave me, or get taken away? How many more times do I have to be a superhero? Giving up the life I longed for, for so long.

As a young girl Dr. Cummings would let me watch television sometimes, not very often, only when I succeeded a mission. I’d see these people pretending to be a family, so happy, so… normal. I wanted what they had because they’d make me laugh and make the lonely feelings go away for a little while. I used to pretend I was in the show to escape from my reality. Dr. Cummings told me the families I saw on the television weren’t real, none of it was real. What was real was the compound, my abilities, and my missions. He told me that there was no such thing as a happy family, and to stop being a silly little girl and focus on my missions instead.

When Hydra wiped my memory over and over again, I had forgotten about the families I saw on television. But somewhere deep down, I remembered. I guess that’s why I formed such a strong bond with the Avengers, they reminded me of the people I’d watch. And finally, that longing feeling deep inside me was gone. Even when I was sent to Wakanda I managed to create a family of my own, if not then strong friendships. I also knew that my family was only a call away. They had my back through it all, even when we disagreed. And then I had Bucky, he became my family. Then the girls from Project Lumini joined my family. And finally, Talia.

Thanos took away part of my family…. No, he took away most of my family. If he hadn’t gotten all the infinity stones and wiped out half the universe then we wouldn’t have needed to go through with the time heist and battle him all over again, and I wouldn’t have lost the closest people I had. The closest thing to a family that I had. Thanos tore a hole in me. I will forever go on with this void in me. I will forever long for a family I never had, and never can have. I will carry this pain with me until my very last breath.

And then just when I thought I had my feet under me again, my past comes and steals the only remaining person who got me through the darkest times of my life. It ripped a whole new wound open inside me. A wound that’s never going to be healed. One greater than the one Thanos tore into me. A hole that can’t be fixed or filled. My fantasy of being a soccer mom in the suburbs who bakes cookies for bake sales and bickers with her spouse over what color to paint the bathroom, safe from evil, was ripped away. My home was no longer a home, it was merely a house with four walls and roof.

When Ahlai took Talia, she took my reason to live. But Talia, she’s my reason to keep fighting. My grief was like a blackhole that not even my fondest of memories could survive. Every holiday or birthday filled with smiles and joy now stung like venom. How many more times can I be kicked when I’m down before I stay down? How many more times can I go through this before my mind breaks?

It was late at night when he boarded the cargo jet to Norther Russia. It wasn’t taking us directly to the compound, but close enough that we can drive and hopefully beat them there. Sam says that we should get there before them, and Bucky says that if we don’t, Talia would leave us a clue as to where they’re going next. He was immensely proud of her for being smart enough to leave these clues behind. He told me I did a good job with her. It made me feel sick because I never taught Talia any of these things. I never taught her how to use her abilities, or how to survive in these situations, or even to leave clues as to where she’s going. She knew what to do anyways. She knew how to harness her abilities at a skill level I haven’t even mastered yet. Talia was able to break through barriers put in place to keep these sorts of people out. She knew to reach out to me, to let me see through her eyes. She knew that her key to survival was to play along with this twisted game. How she knew what to do was beyond me. I never taught her any of this. Perhaps her survival instincts kicked in. But what four year old has survival instincts? She’d touch a hot stove if I didn’t tell her she’d get hurt.

I sighed to myself and looked around the jet, trying to keep my mind busy and keep from falling asleep. My attention drifted down to the small pick backpack beside me. It was the only thing reminding me that Talia was real, it was the only thing keeping me grounded in reality.

Without even thinking, I picked up the backpack and set it down on my lap. I opened it and was immediately greeted with the smell of my daughter. She had a fresh and sweet scent, like a nice spring day.

I closed my eyes as I inhaled the smell. I could almost see her in front of me. I’ve said this once and I’ll say it a million times more, she looked exactly like her father. Her cornflower blue eyes, her button nose, and the shape of her lips. It was all passed down from Bucky. She even had his smile. Oh, how I loved that smile. It was the purest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. The way her big blue eyes squinted when she smiled widely, it made me feel content. But as quickly as the contentment came, it was gone and sorrow overcame me, breaking my heart.

I opened my eyes to find Talia wasn’t here with me, she wasn’t smiling up at me with pride on her face. I frowned, digging into the backpack for something that’ll make the pain stop for a little while. I pulled out Talia’s sketch book and opened it, seeing the first drawing was a simple picture. It was of her family, Talia, mommy, Uncle Steve, and Aunty Nat. The picture was like a stab to the gut with a dull knife. I had to turn the page, flipping through the sketch book. Talia drew pictures of outings we’d go on, pictures of her family or she’d draw herself as a princess. Normal little kid drawings.

I turned the page and paused when I saw a new picture she drew. ‘ _MY FAMILY_ ’ is what it read at the top. In the picture was me, Talia, and Bucky. We were at the park having a picnic on a sunny day. Everyone was smiling and happy. Talia even included her father’s metal arm. The picture made me smile as I ran my fingertips over it.

I sighed heavily and continued to flip through the sketch book. But I suddenly stopped when I came across a drawing that was unlike the others. Her pictures are always happy and colorful. But this one was different. The picture had no color and depicted something scary.

There was a man tied down to a table, he had a sad face with a tear coming from his eye. Around him were evil looking people and machines. There was an arrow pointing to the man on the table, it read ‘ _daddy_ ’. My heart broke inside my chest all over again.

I frantically turned the page to see what else Talia has drawn. Her usual vibrant, joyous pictures were replaced with colorless pictures of death, torture, and destruction. It was obvious Talia’s been going inside her father’s head and she’s been drawing his memories.

Part of me wanted to shove this in Bucky’s face and scream at him because Talia’s seeing his memories and he should know better than to think about these things with her around. But the rational side of me said Bucky had no control over these things. I know for me; something will trigger my memories and I can’t help it. He’s the same way. He’s human. He can’t help it if something triggers him.

“What’re you looking at?” Bucky’s voice made me jump suddenly and slam the sketch book closed. Bucky sat down on the seat beside me. I could feel his gaze on me. I realized I couldn’t lie my way out of this. Bucky already knows I’m looking at something and my previous actions only made me look suspicious.

I frowned and looked over at Bucky, handing over the sketch book. He opened the book and was immediately greeted by the first picture I saw of him strapped to the table. His complexion paled and he sighed sadly at the drawing.

“Keep going,” I murmured. Bucky started flipping through the sketch book, looking at the dark and grim drawings Talia created. Bucky rubbed his jawline as he saw what our daughter had been drawing.

“I told her to stay out of your head,” I said honestly.

“This isn’t her fault, Elena,” Buck told me in a disappointed tone. His statement made me place my hand on his shoulder gently and look at him sympathetically. It was at that very moment that I knew Bucky felt guilty for not just this, but for everything that’s happened. This was merely the cherry on top. All my fears of Bucky not being cut out to be a good father vanished entirely. All my fears of him not loving me anymore vanished too. When we gotten into that fight earlier, I thought that was the end of our relationship. I thought for sure we’d never recover from that. I’m not saying we’re out of the woods, we have some things to work through, but at least he doesn’t blame me for what’s happened. Just like I don’t blame him.

“This isn’t your fault either, Buck. You can’t control your memories. And you can’t control what’s happened. Don’t beat yourself up.” Bucky looked over at me, his eyebrows rutted together. After a moment of looking me over, Bucky smirked and shook his head.

“You need to practice what you preach, El,” He commented, looking away from me. I gave him a confused expression and tilted my head slightly.

“What do you mean?” I asked. My question made him glance back at me and grimace.

“You beat yourself up over everything. You punish yourself for what Dr. Cummings did to you and the other girls. You punish yourself for what Hydra made you do. What happened to your mom; you punished yourself for that. You punish yourself for what Thanos did. When Natasha and Tony died, and Steve left, you punished yourself. And now you’re punishing yourself for what’s happened to Talia and what she’s capable of. Every little thing that’s gone wrong in your life, you’ve punished yourself,” Bucky listed off all the times I chastised myself. I guess looking back, he’s right. I wouldn’t say I punished myself, but I suppose looking in you’d think I was punishing myself.

“Am I not deserving of this punishment? After all I’ve done in my past, all the pain and suffering I’ve caused I deserve to be punished,” I told him, looking directly at him. My gaze was as unwavering as my voice.

“You never asked to be born, Elena. You never asked for these abilities, you never asked to be used as a weapon, you never asked to cause pain and suffering. You never asked for any of this. Who you were in the past isn’t who you are now. There’s no sense in turning on yourself now” Bucky reassured in a gentle voice. Suddenly something in my brain clicked, causing me to shoot up to my feet. I felt my heart leap out of my chest and fear jolted through me. Along with something far worse than fear.

“Oh my god,” I muttered in disbelief. Bucky looked up at me confusedly and stood up, towering over me.

“What? What is it? Is it Talia? Is she trying to contact you?” He desperately questioned. I shook my head in response, looking up at the tall super soldier.

“I know why they’re taking Talia to those places. Why Zemo wanted her to see what happened to my mother,” I informed him. Our little spectacle drew Sam’s attention, he came over to us curiously.

“Why? What’re their plans?” Bucky asked anxiously. My grief abruptly turned to panic and rage. I felt the tingly feeling rush through my fingertips and surges of electricity wash over my brain.

“They’re trying to turn her on us.”


	16. I Bet My Life

_Bucky_

Being scared is something I’ve grown used to feeling. From the very moment I was drafted into the war I was scared out of my mind. But I knew what I had to do. I knew that there were things I needed to do that involved me being scared but doing it anyways. I always had to put on a brave face and run headfirst into the unknown. There’s always been one fight after another.

In Wakanda I thought I left all of the fights behind me. I thought that when I got out of cryo Elena would be there and we can leave the fights behind us, but she wasn’t there. And I had a whole new fight. This time it was with my own mind. Sure, she’d visit me in my dreams, and she’d write me letters, but she wasn’t there with me. She was too busy saving lives. Too busy being the hero. El always had to be the hero. She always had to prove that she isn’t who she was created to be. I understood that fight she was in. I understood it too well.

But then something truly remarkable happened, she came back. Elena came back to me. She kept her promise. At first, I thought I was imagining things, but then I saw her standing there, in front of me and I knew it was real. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, she was safe and alive. And she was back in Wakanda.

In Romania seven years ago, I discovered emotions I hadn’t felt in over seventy years, _love_. When I first saw her standing there at the gate to my building, I didn’t recognize her at first. The last time I had seen her she was a little girl, in her early teens, and now all of a sudden, a very grown-up woman stood in front of me and the feelings I had towards her shifted gears dramatically. When we were with Hydra, I felt protective of her. Like I was responsible for her. I felt like a parental figure to her, especially after that night with her mother when she begged me to protect her Zero. Every time she was near me, she broke through the programming in ways Steve didn’t. There was something about El that brought humanity back to me. And that’s why I didn’t kill her mother that night.

Elena showed me love in ways I was unfamiliar with. She saw through the darkness to see the light in me. She wasn’t afraid of me, nor was she mad. She didn’t know I wasn’t with Hydra anymore, but she still charged headfirst into the great unknown to find the truth. She was ready to fight for her family. I consider myself extremely lucky to be a part of her family. I’m extremely lucky to have her love.

Those three days in Wakanda were the best days of my life. They only cemented my feelings for her. She was everything I looked for in a girl; family orientated, hardworking, smart, sociable, and feisty. She worked every day for two years to bring the girls from that horrible project to Wakanda where they can be rehabilitated and given a chance at a good life.

But then Thanos happened. The last time I saw Elena she was in her element, fighting for the greater good. She always fought with all her heart. Something I try to do every day. I don’t care how many fights I find myself in, as long as I’m fighting at her side. The last thing I remember was not feeling right and calling for Steve.

It felt like I was gone for merely hours and when I came back Dr. Strange opened those portals going from Wakanda to New York so we can battle Thanos again. That’s when I saw her. The Elena that stood in front of me wasn’t the same Elena that I was just fighting along side and I can’t describe it, but she was different. Turns out it’d actually been five years and a lot changed. When El told me, she had someone at home waiting for her, my heart broke. I thought for sure she found someone else. I didn’t blame her for moving on. I’d never ask her to wait for me. But then she dropped the biggest bombshell on me. The person waiting at home for her was her daughter…. – _Our_ daughter.

I’ve never been more scared in my entire life than I was when I first met Natalia. I was a brainwashed killing machine for seventy years and then two years into my freedom I father a little girl. I was shaking in my shoes when I first met her. Elena had so much faith in me, and she was so patient with me. Talia was even more patient though. The oddest thing of all, was that fatherhood came so naturally to me.

In a few short weeks I went from a novice at parenting a child to knowing almost everything about this little person. I mean, yeah, I helped raise my sisters but that’s entirely different. I was never a parent. But the one night where I slip up, Talia is taken right from under our noses. The guilt I felt was immeasurable. I couldn’t compare it to anything I’ve ever felt before. I couldn’t even imagine the pain Elena must be in. She’s been with Talia every day for five years. I know she blames me for what happened, she has every right to blame me.

“How are you holding up?” Sam asked, coming up beside me. The three of us walked through the airport to the rental desk where we would get a car to make the rest of the journey to the compound. Elena was speed walking through the airport. She wanted to get on the road as soon as possible. She hasn’t said a word since we were on the plane.

I sighed and shook my head.

“I blame myself for this mess,” I told him honestly.

“Don’t. Don’t even go down that road. None of this is your fault.” Sam and I have a complicated relationship to say the least, but he’s still a good man. An honorable man.

“If I had gotten up with her, she wouldn’t have been taken.” Truth be told, I blamed myself. I failed as a father. I let Talia down. She looked up to me as a protector and I let this happen to her. She must be so scared. Elena is the only one who knows exactly what Talia’s feeling. I wish I could take that burden from her. But for some reason Talia is only reaching out to her mother. After seeing those drawings, it’s obvious she’s scared of what’s in my head. I wouldn’t want to get in my head either if I were her.

Sam didn’t say anything. He merely frowned and looked ahead. I got the strong urge to say something, to not let the silence make this anymore uncomfortable.

“You didn’t need to come with us, Sam,” I said sullenly, looking over at him. Sam shook his head and pursed his lips.

“There’s a missing child in danger. It wouldn’t sit right with me if I didn’t do anything,” He replied truthfully.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Elena said in incredulity. I looked over at her, she had stopped. Sam and I stopped on either side of her. We were in disbelief by what we were looking at. A knowing smile nudged at the corners of my lips. Sam scoffed causing both El and I to look at him.

“Looks like it didn’t sit right with them either,” He told us before walking ahead. Standing at the rental car reception desk were four young women who looked identical to Elena. They spotted us and waved with smiles on their faces. I would be lying if I said I didn’t assume the girls would help us. Talia’s their niece after all. Family is family; you gotta look out for each other.

I noticed El wasn’t going to meet her sisters, she was frozen in place. Her olive complexion was as white as paper. Her usually vibrant blue eyes were dull as she stared off into the distance. Without hesitation I put my hand on the small of her back, catching her attention.

“Is everything okay?” I asked concernedly. Elena looked from me to the girls then back to me. She pressed her lips together to form a grim line and heavily exhaled through her nose.

“Why did they come here?” She inquired, not even bothering answering my question.

“Talia’s their family too. They came to help rescue her,” I said, frankly. El shook her head and frowned.

“They’re not ready to face the past. And they’re not ready to face this kind of danger,” Elena spat callously. It was my turn to frown at her. I gently grabbed ahold of her shoulders and turned her to face me, but her gaze remained on the group in front of us.

“Clearly they are ready to face the past. You don’t get to dictate when they choose to fight, or what they fight for. They’re not little girls anymore, they can handle themselves perfectly fine. Besides, we need as much help as we can get with this,” I told her sincerely. Elena had this habit of micromanaging the girls, and even Talia. She needed complete control in order to feel safe. And right now, she has no control, she must feel so vulnerable.

“I just don’t want to see them get hurt, or worse,” El said in a somber way. She looked more scared now than she did earlier. She probably felt responsible for these girls, just like she was responsible for Talia.

Without saying anything else, Elena walked away from me, heading towards the desk. I followed behind her. We were greeted by the girls. Their smiles changed into looks of sureness with slight fear. Zasha announced she had already rented a van for us, and they had planned out the trip from here to the compound, taking the fastest way there. It was clear they gave this some thought and came to the decision to help us. El didn’t say anything to them, she barely acknowledged their existence. We all just wanted to get Talia back and go home. Go back to normal. Or as normal as we can get.


End file.
